My mother is the kindest and most empathetic person I know. I’m sure that everyone probably says that about their mother, but mine actually is. I grew up in the same town that she did. It is a small town on the beach, and its beauty is unmatched. My graduating class was only 100 people, even though I went to a public school. My school was not forgiving of imperfections or abnormalities. Growing up, I felt like my classmates were perfect: wealthy, smart, pretty, and athletic. I never felt that way about myself. I can’t pinpoint one particular thing that one person said to me to make me feel that way. But my sixteen-year-old self had been degraded by comments and whispers through the years.Â
My mom had a similar school experience to mine, growing up in a small town. I’m very close with her, and when I was a kid, I would tell her everything. My mom’s kindness was taught to her, passed down from her own mother and her mother before her. One time, we were talking about her own high school experience. She told me how a couple of her friends “weren’t very nice.” In my classic nosey fashion, I of course wanted to know all the drama.
My mom couldn’t remember the details; she told me she couldn’t even remember anything rude they said to her, but she does remember that they weren’t nice. Whenever I cried to her about any drama happening in my life or a test I was stressed over, she always told me, “Jules, you won’t remember anything about this situation in five years.” She was right, of course, I don’t remember any of the petty drama that felt like the end of the world or the quiz that I stayed up all night studying for. It is funny how little high school really matters in the grand scheme of things. Despite that, my mom always said that people may not remember every specific conversation they had with you, but they will remember “how you made them feel.”
As she often is, my mother was right. I cannot remember any of the subtly mean or disparaging comments directed towards me in middle and high school. However, I remember who made those comments, and I remember how I felt hearing them. They didn’t manifest into one particular insecurity; rather, they decreased my self-esteem overall. Now that I am older and I can’t even pinpoint exactly what was said to me, I have realized that their words cannot have been that important. I will still always remember how people made me feel, and there are certain statements that remain imprinted in my mind forever. Despite this, I can’t let these feelings follow me through the rest of my life. I can only hope that when people think of me, they associate positive feelings with my name.
Can’t get enough of HC UMass Amherst? Be sure to follow us on Instagram, listen to us on Spotify, like us on Facebook, and read our latest Tweets!Â