If you are anything like me, you may have entered college not understanding how isolated it can really feel those first few weeks. Because I lived in a small town, I grew up surrounded by people I’ve known essentially my entire life. I hadn’t realized how difficult it would be to create new meaningful connections. I also was not prepared for how lonely it would feel to not have those connections.
Thankfully, through the support of my brother and cousin, I learned the importance of putting yourself in uncomfortable situations to cultivate my community. There was one issue though: I was terrified of putting myself in any socially distressing situation. We grew up in a world where, whenever there was an awkward conversation, or a long, pregnant pause, we had a quick and easy escape route at our finger tips. We lack the ability to handle awkwardness, so it seems impossible to imagine being exposed to the feeling of discomfort.
Because of our use of screens and social media, there has been a dramatic increase in social anxiety in Gen Z and the younger generations, making it easier to remove ourselves from the discomfort. With screens everywhere, our whole lives and our most embarrassing moments can be displayed at any time. We’ve decided it’s better to live comfortably, through a phone, instead of actually living our lives. According to a study on the relationship between social media and social anxiety, people with higher levels of social anxiety find comfort in using social media. People turn to their screens for comfort in a distressing situation, such as talking to those they don’t know.
The first time I found myself in a slightly uncomfortable situation was after the first few weeks of college. I was coming back from a shower, in a robe, when a random girl passed me on the way to the bathroom, and just started a conversation with me. There we were: two strangers, in our robes, just talking. Now, I know this doesn’t just happen out of the blue, but if my now friend hadn’t put herself in what I would call an uncomfortable situation and started a conversation with me, I might never have known her.
“Well,” you may be asking yourself, “what can I do about this, how can I put myself in these uncomfortable circumstances?” I’m not going to tell you to go to clubs, or meet people in class. You’re already told these things, and that won’t help you cope with discomfort. One thing that really helped me, and still does when I’m making new friends, is knowing that we are all thinking the same things. Everyone is looking for the same lifelong connections, this isn’t a unique experience. The second thing I keep in mind is the fact that, while I always hope to make a new friend, if I end up embarrassing myself—and please, trust me when I say this happens often—I don’t ever need to interact with them again. If they are in my class, I act like nothing happened. It’s not a big deal in the grand scheme of things, unless you make it one.
I used to have extreme social anxiety, and I still have that anxiety, but by putting myself into those uncomfortable situations, and knowing that I can come back from them, whether they were successful or not, helps alleviate my worries.
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