Being single is a fate that all women will face at some point in their lives; this is simply a fact. Maybe you had your first “relationship” in kindergarten, or you were part of those week-long connections in middle school. You may have even experienced that major high school romance that you thought would last forever, but eventually broke up when you went to different colleges. All of those are the fun aspects of love and romance that we grow up to expect. But what about the people who have never experienced any of this? Ever. What about those of us who are always single?
One underlying battle that I feel we are constantly fighting is the influence that the media has over our lives. This includes the media we consume from a very early age to the social media we are now consuming every second of every day. When we are little, we watch movies and read stories about the greatest forms of love to ever exist. The princess meets her prince, and they live happily ever after in a land far, far away. Right? These pieces of entertainment build up such high expectations in our small, developing minds that one day we will be swept off our feet and find an everlasting love. So then, where is my prince, because Cinderella was my age (19) when she met Prince Charming…
As we get older, it has become extremely evident the massive role that social media plays in our lives. We are constantly seeing influencers embodying #couplegoals, posts from the couples around us, and even now my TikTok feed is obsessed with giving me ads for dating apps. It begins to feel as if we are the only people to not be able to find someone to date. And to top it all off, these “perfect couples” on social media do not help to make expectations of what relationships look like any more realistic. Being set up with all of these preconceived notions of what love and relationships should be make daydreaming more whimsical, but make our current realities even harder to stomach.
As a lover girl, one belief that can be so prominent is that every person has a soulmate who is out there for them. And while this is a cute and endearing concept, boy, does it put a lot of pressure on finding the right one! I mean, just the thought of never finding your one person can be so scary and even go as far as creating the feeling that you will be alone forever. We all want to find our person, but will they really be the first one we meet? Statistically speaking, it’s not very likely, which makes us chronically single girls feel like we need to get a move on.
On the concept of finding our soulmates, which connects to the concept of “dating to marry,” how on Earth are we supposed to do that when situationships are creeping into everyone’s hearts, minds, and expectations? We used to dream of the big romance that no one would ever be able to doubt because it was so obvious that we were together. Now it seems all anyone wants is a “low commitment, nonchalant, fun time.” It is becoming that a situationship of doom and despair is a canon part of the college girl experience. And while for many of us this may be true, but that is something that I would not wish upon my worst enemy.
Now, when discussing this topic, it becomes very difficult not sound like a cliche. The number of times we hear from people in relationships that “it will happen, you just need to be patient,” or the tried and true “it will come when you least expect it.” These phrases that are meant to ease our minds and provide a sense of comfort only make it more difficult, enforcing the idea that love is out of our hands and we need to wait for it to appear one day. I think what really provides the most comfort is the fact that you are not alone! You have non-romantic support systems in your life that are there to provide that comfort and help soften the blow that “singledom” causes. And the even bigger picture to remember is that millions of other girls are feeling the same way as you. There are great people for all of us; we just need to find the ones who deserve how great we are. And remember, Vogue talks about the negative and embarrassing aspects of having a boyfriend anyway!
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