I have a perfectionist streak in me and I have long since stopped denying it. I am constantly obsessing over finding the perfect middle ground, incorporating every positive aspect of an activity into one beautiful, glowing ball of goodness. I also realize that it is impossible to do so. It is impossible to be a perfect middle ground of everything. There will always be something about you that stands out a little, whether it be due to genetics or luck. One of the biggest spheres of my life that I encountered this issue in is the realm of physical activity. I was always chasing after an ideal of some kind, both physically and ability-wise. I wanted to be flexible, strong, full of endurance, yet simultaneously slim and petite, with delicate features and grace. All of these desires were born from the influences in my life. Our society, encouraging me to be slimmer, smaller, more conventionally “feminine,” was at conflict with the “fitfluencers” whose curves and strength I was idolizing.
I struggled for five years, trying to reconcile with the natural contradictions of these two worlds, all while also trying out different modes of exercise to see what I enjoyed most. Eventually, I grew tired. I grew tired of the inconsistency, the constant guilt of “not stretching enough,” “not lifting enough,” being “too bulky” or “too flabby” or “too skinny” or “disproportionate.” I would use the most horrific language to describe myself simply due to the fact that I couldn’t compromise two opposite ideals. So, I came to a conclusion that I reached with the help of a few body positive influencers like Dani DMC, Natacha Oceane, and Maddie Dragsbaek on YouTube, Kate Noel on Instagram, and motivation from my loved ones. What I came to understand might seem simple enough to most, but it was revolutionary to my confused mind.
The most optimal form of exercise is a little bit of each, and best of all, the one you enjoy most. Whichever exercise you choose will give you a body best suited to perform it well, and you will be perfectly happy with it because it will allow you to do what you love. What worked best for me was trying different sports and partaking in whichever suited my interest that day. So far, what this has looked like is “seasons” of sports. I go through a few months of fervently pursuing running, and then abruptly switching to CrossFit with some yoga interspersed throughout. I would go through weight lifting phases, hiking phases, HIIT phases, and simple walking phases. I learned that a combination of all these sports in moderation is what gave me the “balanced” set of abilities that I yearned for.
Another practice that helped me overcome my athletic indecision was to treat exercise as a way to get stronger and healthier rather than a method to achieve physical “perfection.” I realized that my body would look more or less the same, regardless of what exercise I practiced, so I might as well try to make myself the healthiest I could be rather than bending over backwards to achieve an impossible ideal.
I really hope that this message resonates with some of you. Our society is not a very forgiving place for our physical beings, and having a body can be hard work, especially as a woman. Use exercise to hone yourself, be a jack of all trades, try new things, and have fun with your movement! Finding a sustainable way to move throughout your whole life will bring you much more benefits than pursuing an ever-elusive physical ideal. Being happy and passionate about the way you choose to move will help you find a supportive community in that space and make the whole experience so much more healing and productive.
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