Cue classic college confusing relationship story: Girl meets guy. Guy flirts with girl. They both start falling, and before they know it, the two of them have been enveloped in a whirlwind of something completely exciting, but incredibly indefinable. Weeks, months pass, and still no label. At this point, what’s a girl to do? Hope for the best? It’s too late to play hard to get; you’re already in too deep.
At a certain point in a budding relationship, sometimes the best thing to do is let it run its course. But, at what moment do you have to start to question things before it develops into something much greater than you’d expected—or even wanted? For me, I found myself in this situation not too long ago. Unfortunately, due to an immeasurable number of obstacles, things didn’t work out. In a time when I couldn’t stop kicking myself for wasting months with this guy—replaying the hours spent up late driving around, binge-watching Entourage, talking with his friends or mine, going out to dinner, planning the months to come—I suddenly had a moment of clarity, when I sat down and realized the incredibly important lessons I had learned.
Though a part of me wants to hate him, I really should be thanking him. As cheesy as it sounds, I pinpoint this realization as a pivotal part in my 20-year-old life—growing out of my teenage years, and finally being able to recognize the important lessons heartbreak can teach you.
Breathe.
What you think may be the most heart-wrenching pain in your life will guaranteed happen again. And probably again. And maybe it’s even happened before. Whatever you feel in that very moment of finding out some less than desirable news, will eventually pass; and, though it may seem never-ending, you’ll get through it. Just breathe.
Time heals everything.
As aforementioned, nothing is permanent. As the hours and days go by, nothing is as grave as it may seem to you at that very moment. Like the wise old saying goes, “out of sight; out of mind.” Take some time for yourself after a break up or a closure that leaves you feeling “what now?”. Maybe you’ve been wanting to start a new show on Netflix, or maybe it’s perfect timing to go rekindle a friendship you’ve neglected due to your busy schedule. However you choose to spend your pass-time, enjoy it. Time truly does heal everything.
Eradicate toxic people from your life.
Life’s too short to keep negative energy around you at all times. If there’s someone that keeps bringing you down, get rid of them as soon as possible. It’s not worth your happiness or your time to surround yourself with people who don’t contribute anything positive to your day.
If it’s too good to be true, it probably is.
Don’t be gullible. Take note of things that seem sketchy. I’m not saying to over analyze his every move in your relationship, but if it seems like there’s a red flag, definitely don’t dismiss it. Chances are, whatever you may be picking up on has some truth to it, and it’s worth confronting.
Don’t settle.
The right guy will come along. If you think you’re staying with someone or dragging something out just for the sake of it, or for the fear of starting over, it’s worth the effort. You shouldn’t have to settle for someone who doesn’t treat you the absolute best he could.
Ignorance is not bliss.
Don’t play dumb. If you tend to brush things off too easily, or disregard what your friends are saying, you’re going to end up getting hurt in the end. Listen to what they tell you and trust what they’re saying. They probably know you better than you know yourself. No one wants to be saying I told you so after brushing off a piece of information you once disregarded.
Don’t rationalize.
Don’t make excuses for his actions in an attempt to make you feel better about yourself. If he doesn’t say something you wanted him to, or if he mistreats you in any way, don’t allow yourself to rationalize his actions. Let me be very clear: actions speak louder than words.
Stand your ground.
Don’t let a guy, no matter how much you may like him, boss you around or manipulate you into thinking something you don’t initially believe. It’s hard to not be swayed when the guy you’re with makes you happy, but at the end of the day, your own beliefs and virtues are what matters most.
You’re never alone.
Throughout the times you find the hardest, never lose sight of the amazing support you have around you. Your friends, your family, your school, your job—there’s always an outlet and someone to talk to. Spending time with my friends was the best distraction, and seriously nothing beats a night with the girls you can tell everything to.
You are your own happiness.
This is the most important lesson of them all. Never let a guy be the sole reason you smile, or the main reason you’re upset. This is your prime, and your time to explore and figure out what you like and don’t like. Make new friends, try new things, take chances, learn as much as you can, travel any and everywhere, take people up on new opportunities, and most of all, learn to love yourself.