The Ups & Downs of Moving On

Over the past few months, I’ve gone through some major changes in my life. I've experienced many changes in relationships that I didn't wanted to let go of. Going through these things during a pandemic while stuck in my hometown was challenging as hell.

While I was still at home, I genuinely thought I wouldn’t be able to make it through these changes. I had a really hard time letting go of relationships that were not good for me. I was holding on to hope that I could convince people to treat me better by sticking around and proving that I am worthy of love (though now I know that is ridiculous). Even though it’s been some time since much of these things happened, I’m still working on letting go and moving on. Every day is different, and some days are better than others. Here are some things I’ve learned so far that you may want to consider if you're going through a similar situation.

Firstly, I’ve learned how to recognize when someone isn’t worth holding on to. Ask yourself: “is this person team [your name here]? Can I call this person to ask for help?” If you find yourself chasing someone or looking for someone’s forgiveness, and they do not reciprocate the same level of effort that you contribute to the relationship, notice that. That is significant. Choose to surround yourself with people who choose you. Move away and stop communicating with people who don’t choose you, or more specifically, choose other people instead of you. No amount of attention and love that you give to a person will convince them to change their mind about choosing you.

3 girls celebrate Unsplash Choose yourself. Do you miss that person? Do you miss that relationship? Do you wish things were different? Sure. And that’s okay. You can’t let that destroy you or stop you from moving on. Choose to love yourself, and choose to fill your life with things that make your heart soar. Fill your schedule with classes you like, indulge in your hobbies, meet up with your friends, party, and dance! Live your life. Don’t let anyone make you feel like you don’t deserve to be happy. No one has the right to decide how you should feel. Choose to be happy.

Focus on your future. Right now might be TUFF. But, congratulate yourself for making it to this point, and look forward to what’s to come. What is your dream job? Where do you see yourself after college? Don’t let a crappy situation in the now stop you from working hard to pursue your dreams. No one can stop you except yourself. Part of choosing yourself in the process of moving on is not letting tough things get in the way of working towards your future. This can be hard if you lost a relationship that you pictured in your future, but focus on yourself. Paint a picture just for you.  woman standing in front of moving subway train Eutah Mizushima/Unsplash

Some days can be really hard. You might think about everything that went wrong, what you could’ve done differently, why that person chose to walk away from you. Sometimes relationships end without any explanation and it can be really hard to move on. Recognizing that you deserve to know where you stand with someone will help you find better relationships in the future. Take time for yourself and be gentle and understanding. Rome wasn’t built in a day, and your heart won’t repair in a day. Everything you go through in life you learn from and you become stronger from it. Find the strength to love yourself, understand that there will be darker moments in the process of moving on, but know that one day you will be okay. There are brighter days ahead, just keep going.