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Trying to Find My Sense Of Self as a Senior at UMass Amherst

The opinions expressed in this article are the writer’s own and do not reflect the views of Her Campus.
This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at U Mass Amherst chapter.

I haven’t really been sure about who I was through most of college. I was worried I picked the wrong major, felt I needed more friends, and constantly wished I was doing more. This past year, I have grown a lot. I fell in love with my major over the summer and finally found my specific passion. I have watched as other people with large groups of friends have acted fake and talked negatively behind each other’s backs. But most importantly, I have started taking control of my life, my future, and my goals. I still have a lot to discover about myself, but I think this is just the beginning of taking the steps I need to find who I am. 

During my entire college career, I have worried about what I was going to do with my major once I graduated. I was required to go to grad school in order to work in my major, but I didn’t know if I was up for two more years of schooling. Since the start of senior year, this has been an ongoing internal conflict. I love my major and want to pursue a career in the field, but I wasn’t sure if it was the right time. As time went on and I thought about it more, I decided the best thing for me to do is apply to a school commutable from my hometown. I decided that if I got in, I would go straight to graduate school, and if I didn’t, I would take a couple of years off to work as an assistant in the field. This conclusion helped me somewhat come to peace with that battle.

I have been watching girls with large groups of friends be completely fake toward one another behind their backs. They talk down about them but would never say it to their faces. As time passes, I am learning that fewer but closer friends are better. Going into college, I was extremely anxious about making new friends and filtered through a few until I found some people I would want around for the rest of my life. I have come to realize how rude, fake, and judgemental some girls are for no reason. I have chosen to avoid those individuals and bond with people that help me realize who I am. If I can’t say how I truly feel to your face, we are not close friends. 

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I feel I have developed a lot so far during my senior year. It’s a time of realization that we are getting older, and we may be entering the real world soon. I think the key to helping me find myself is to think deeply about where I want to see myself, five or ten years from now, and who I want to be surrounded by at that time.

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Sydney Dion

U Mass Amherst '23

Communication Disorders Major