Trigger Warning: this article contains mentions of Sexual Assault, Rape
I want to begin this article by saying that in no way am I an expert on any of these topics, nor do I have enough research or factual evidence to be on any expertly informed level. This is all simply based on how our current society functions and treats/views women. With everything that has gone on over the past few years, and especially recently in the news, I could not bring myself to sit by and not say my piece. That all being said, these are important issues that affect all of us in one way or another, and probably affect the people closest to you more than you know.
Women have been facing adversity within society for centuries, so unfortunately this is nothing any of us are new to. Whether it is the pink tax, school dress codes, or victim-blaming, women can never escape it. That is simply how the world works–but it doesn’t have to work this way, and it certainly shouldn’t.
As a young woman, I have not only seen and heard about these issues, but I have also experienced many of them myself. Being slut shamed in school by my “friends,” having to cover my drink, and being told not to walk alone at night; the list goes on. While my experiences matter and influenced me to write this article, they are not the main focus. There are greater societal issues that impact women in every facet of their lives.
Based on the current political and social state of the United States, there is one thing I am going to focus on: sexual assault and how victims are treated. The CDC says that roughly 53% of women in the U.S. experience contact sexual violence over their lifetime. Contact sexual violence is defined as “rape, sexual coercion, and/or unwanted sexual contact.” Over half of the women in the U.S. have experienced some form of sexual violence. Over half. Yet, many cases are never reported because of how society treats victims. The culture of not believing, asking unnecessary questions, and victim-blaming runs rampant.
Any form of sexual assault, harassment, and violence is something that no one should ever have to endure. There is a widespread phenomenon of dismissiveness toward all forms of sexual assault, but especially regarding instances that do not lead to rape.
One very common form of sexual abuse that often goes unrecognized is sexual coercion. It can be very confusing and difficult to recognize for victims. If someone asks for sex over and over again until you give in, or if they say things to manipulate you such as “come on everyone has sex” or “if we don’t have sex I don’t want to see you anymore,” then these are common signs of sexual coercion.
This type of sexual abuse can oftentimes be dehumanizing to experience. It leaves the victim carrying all of the guilt because you “gave in.” As a victim of anything, as difficult as it can be to remember, it is not in any way your fault. You are not alone and are not to blame, you do not need to carry that burden with you.
The treatment of those who experience any sexually violent acts is absolutely vile. Irrelevant questions are immediately asked: “What were you wearing? Were you drinking? Did it seem like you wanted it? Are you sure you said no? Did you try to push him off of you?”
With all of the noise, it is practically impossible to remember that these things don’t matter. Even if you were in a bra and underwear, drinking, flirting, said maybe another time, and then didn’t have the strength to push him off of you, that does not excuse what he did. On top of that, the legal punishment for receiving abortion care, in some states, is more severe than the punishment for rape. What kind of system punishes a woman for exercising her bodily autonomy and rewards a man for sexual abuse?
We, as a society, need to do better. Women should not have to be looking over their shoulders and clutching keys between their fingers so they don’t get attacked. And the women who do endure this should not have to be scared to come forward out of fear that people won’t believe them and won’t “count it” as sexual assault. To all of the women who have experienced this, I am deeply sorry for what you have endured. This does not define you or change who you are. You are never alone. We are in this fight together.
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