Beginning my final semester at UMass, the realization that my future is fast approaching hit me like a freight train. Applying to graduate school, preparing for graduation and maintaining my work ethic have preoccupied what many people remark as being the time for the senior slump.
When I applied to college, I was considering taking a gap year. Fast forward three years, and I am pushing myself to get my master’s (whether that be a love of education or a fear of change is up to you). While I am excited to continue going to school, I am also terrified.
I have managed to complete four years in three, and yet, I often feel that the work I have done is not enough. I cannot deny that I am very hard on myself and rarely allow myself to revel in my accomplishments, but the weight of the approaching future terrifies me. I do not often plan ahead; honestly, I am terrible at doing so. Three years ago, when I moved into my dorm in Orchard Hill, I had no idea what I was going to major in and less than zero idea how I was going to climb up the notorious hill. Now, I am supposed to plan the rest of my life.
These days, my schedule is filled with applications and classes, and I sometimes feel as though I am missing out on all the fun. While I love writing and I love my classes, I remember the picture of college I had as a child.
My sisters are 15 years older than I am, and when they were in college, I was extremely jealous. To be fair, I still am (they were in college in the early 2010s). I have also watched them struggle after college, and their dedication to education has been inspiring for me. I have always been most comfortable in a classroom, even when I was in high school and dreaded going every day. I remained faithful to learning, and I will remain faithful forever.
Enough of school, I am meant to be writing about my future, even though technically graduate school is in my future. When it pertains to my long-term goals and plans, a question my boyfriend has brought up countless times, I tend to draw a blank. I struggle to think about what is ahead of me, often succumbing to making myself overwhelmed and then consuming enough short-form media to distract myself.
Recently, I have been trying to focus more on the present and allow each day to stand alone, rather than stress about the next thing and miss what is in front of me. I joined Her Campus last semester in an effort to branch outside my comfort zone. This is because I know when I graduate, I will be consistently forced outside my comfort zone. The world may feel intensely small now, with life beyond college feeling overwhelming and uncertain. I tend to forget, however, that a little over three years ago, life after high school felt the same way.
I am worried about the future, but I am also hopeful in knowing that I have made it this far. My present was once my future, and soon enough, I will be facing my new future.
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