As a young woman in college, I’ve learned a thing or two about dating and relationships. Although I have many years ahead of me and much more to learn, I think I’ve established a solid foundation around dating, specifically in college. I understand that being a college student is stressful and dating in college is complicated, so I’ve compiled a list of rules that I live by to stay true to myself. I’ve seen too many of my girlfriends get wrapped up in relationships that were emotionally exhausting and made them unhappy. I hope young women everywhere can find peace knowing that whatever is causing them trouble, it will pass, and you will come out of it a more robust version of yourself!
*Note: the advice in this article is based on my experience as a woman who dates men.*
Before deciding whether or not to get involved in a relationship, it is essential to understand that men and women are different. In every area of life, men and women act differently. They respond differently, they communicate differently, and especially think differently. We must remember our differences. Sometimes, we mistakenly assume that if our partners care for us, they will react in a way familiar to our behavior. I advise you to take my advice with a grain of salt because I understand that everyone operates differently You may not agree with these rules, but I have certainly grown a lot from sticking by them.
- Focus on Yourself
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By focusing on yourself, you will automatically find little need to chase. You will become encapsulated with your daily responsibilities and ask yourself, “How can I make the most of today?” Maybe this chapter of your life is meant to be about you, not romantic love. Perhaps it is about personal growth or finding self-love. After all, college has taught me so many lessons about love, life, and relationships; you should take advantage of this time to grow. Whether it’s going to the gym, studying at the library, or getting dinner with friends, these tasks are steps in the right direction. Putting time into yourself means you will spend less time sitting around, waiting for some guy to text you back!
- Believe that you are enough
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If you feel like your partner doesn’t appreciate you for who you are, I suggest you take time and consider what you’re getting out of this relationship. You should not have to make any drastic changes about yourself that are a part of your identity. If your partner is constantly nagging you and criticizing you for how they want you to act and present yourself, then I’d say this person is not worthwhile. You are in control of your life. If you want to change something, make the change for yourself and have it be out of your self-interest. Adapt this attitude about yourself: I am enough; take it or leave it.
- maintain your independence
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A guy shouldn’t be the “be-all and end-all” of your life. Staying busy with your passions will establish a healthy boundary between you and your guy. Keep your routine flowing! Do not cancel your plans and drop everything to fit into someone else’s schedule. For example, I know some women who stopped making time for what they did when they were single. One of my friends stopped going to spin classes and stopped spending time with friends to accommodate seeing her guy and waiting for him to answer her call.
It is essential to have a mind of your own and stay true to yourself. How you assert yourself in speaking your mind is vital to maintaining your self-confidence. You shouldn’t feel like you “need” your romantic partner for your emotional stability, reassurance of your self-worth, self-esteem, etc. These things come from within; taking the time to do things for yourself is a form of self-care.
- Communication is key
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I cannot stress enough how important communication is. It is hard to communicate our feelings lovingly when angry and upset, so working on becoming a better communicator is essential. In the heat of an argument, I’ve noticed that women tend to blame men and make them feel guilty for their actions, while men become judgemental of a woman’s feelings and invalidate them. When you’re in a relationship and life gets tricky, it’s hard to remember what brought you together in the first place. Remember, you’re on the same team (I hope), and calmly communicating how you feel to your partner can do wonders.
- the importance of boundaries
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Your time and attention are valuable. Show this guy that you are worthwhile by establishing solid boundaries. If you feel uncomfortable with the pace of how things are going, tell him. I’ve become a more robust version of myself by learning to say no. I’ve prevented myself from getting hurt by knowing when to break contact with someone who has showed me (through their actions) that I’m not one of their priorities. When exiting a relationship, you should always keep your dignity, no matter how heartbroken.
Also, I advise you to refuse his last-minute requests. You have been waiting to hear from him for a few days, and suddenly, he calls you out of the blue, asking to hang out? Yeah, that’s a big no-no.
- protect your heart
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Protecting your heart is the most solid piece of advice I have. By protecting your heart, I mean you try not to get too ahead of yourself in a new relationship. I recommend taking things slowly, especially when a guy wants to hurry. Move to your rhythm, not his. Taking it slow will prevent a guy from taking control of you. It is easy to listen to your heart, so I advise you to try and listen to your head from time to time. Thinking logically and rationally has prevented me from getting my feelings hurt, and I can walk away from situations with composure.
These six tips have helped me practice self-love, and I hope they can help you, too! Remember, learning to love yourself is a long process, so take it daily and be patient. Good things come to those who wait. The right person is out there, but in the meantime, you work hard and focus on your personal goals. Anyone who isn’t putting in the effort is NOT worth your time and energy.
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