They say school prepares you for the real world. If that’s true, then learning to push back against sexism is part of the lesson plan. The trick? Knowing how to use every single resource around you. I’ve had my fair share of snarky remarks and even a few straight-to-the-face jabs. It would be a lie to say I’ve always handled hate gracefully. I’ve yelled, and I’ve done all the things that come with not knowing how to confront it with power. Sexism is sneaky; it doesn’t always have to be walking in the door yelling. Sometimes it slips in a joke, a grade, an uncomfortable comment brushed off as “no big deal.” It is a big deal. And the way you respond matters. Fighting sexism isn’t about being loud for the sake of it; it’s about being confident, and unapologetic. Here’s how to push back.
Be kind not nice
Often, we misunderstand kindness versus niceness. It’s easy to get them mixed up, after all, people use the words interchangeably all the time. But when you break them down, their differences start to shine. Being nice means being pleasant and polite, doing what’s expected to keep everyone comfortable. Being kind, on the other hand, means being generous, honest, and considerate, not just to others, but to yourself. Kindness is about doing what’s right, even when it’s not easy. And when it comes to confronting sexism, kindness wins every time. For a long time, I thought being nice meant letting things slide, smiling when I wanted to speak up, and convincing myself that silence was maturity. But the truth is, being “nice” often meant sacrificing my boundaries to protect someone else’s ego. Kindness, though, says something entirely different: I respect you, but I also respect myself. It’s the courage to say, “That wasn’t okay,” even if your voice shakes. It’s holding people accountable without losing your composure. It’s choosing honesty over approval.
It’s definitely easier said than done, but I encourage you to try. The next time an obnoxious guy who takes his E-board position a little too seriously sends a passive-aggressive text criticizing your work, don’t just thumbs up the message; respond with clarity and confidence. You don’t need to match his tone or stoop to his level, just stand firm. Correct him if he’s wrong. Defend your effort. Let him know you’re not someone who can be quietly dismissed. It’s setting a standard for how you deserve to be treated and showing others that respect isn’t optional. As women, we’ve been taught to be nice, to smile through discomfort, to avoid being called “difficult.” But nice doesn’t build progress. We owe the world our compassion, our intellect, and our courage, but we don’t owe anyone our niceness. Being kind means working to build the world we want to live in, one where respect is mutual and boundaries are honored. So the next time you feel that pull to stay quiet, remember: you can be kind and still be bold. You can be kind and still take up space. And you can be kind without ever being nice.
Find your allies
One of the biggest lies that sexism drills into our brains is that it is something that must be kept quiet. The truth is, there are always people who see the same things you do; they might just not know how to speak up yet. Finding your allies means finding the people who get it and who are willing to stand beside you when things get uncomfortable. Maybe it’s a classmate who rolls her eyes at the same comments you do, or the friend who always needs a second after a work meeting. Maybe it’s a teacher who actually listens when you point something out, or a staff member who doesn’t minimize your experience. Build a network that supports and empowers you, one that’s not afraid to call things what they are. There’s real power in solidarity. One voice can be dismissed, but a group can’t be ignored. When one woman stands up, it’s brave. When multiple do, it’s change.
Pushing back against sexism isn’t easy. It’s emotional, and sometimes exhausting. But it’s also necessary. Every time you speak up you’re not just standing up for yourself; you’re setting a new standard for everyone watching. So keep being kind, but never small. Keep building your circle, using your voice, and demanding better. Because the truth is, change doesn’t happen all at once; it happens in every quiet act of courage that says, I deserve respect, and I won’t settle for less.
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