If I asked you to think about an interaction with a stranger that felt meaningful, what does your mind take you to? I’d confidently guess that you’re not thinking about a conversation with a Starbucks barista that went something like:
“Hi, how are you?”
“Good, thanks.”
“Can I get…(insert your coffee order here)?”
Instead, I’d guess that you’re thinking of an interaction that maybe occurred during your normal routine and was totally unexpected but left you feeling a bit lighter and more joyful after. This is the problem with small talk: I wonder how many genuine, meaningful interactions like yours that we miss out on every single day because we’ve been conditioned to interact within the confines of what is deemed “socially acceptable.”
Another problem with small talk is that we’re all really just bulls**tting each other when we say we’re “doing great!” to the TJ Maxx cashier during a pandemic and the most important election in history on top of individual life events. Maybe you are doing great because you got some discounted candles from the clearance aisle, but we’re obviously not being totally honest with each other.
So I propose something to you: let’s abolish small talk and instead, establish more meaningful interactions with one another. Let’s stop moving through life in our own bubbles and only communicating with others in robotic and expected ways. Typical small talk about the weather, how we are, or current events have been the norm. Breaking out of this might feel weird and honestly, uncomfortable, but I assure you that your Starbucks barista will feel a breath of fresh air when they hear something other than “how are you?” for the millionth time that day.
Now I’m not saying you need to spill your life story to a stranger in the produce aisle (unless you want to), but what if you made it a goal to give genuine compliments to at least three people you don’t know? What if we started asking, “What has made you smile today?” or “What has been the best part of your day?” instead of “How are you?” Even just asking someone where they got their nails done or where they got their shirt can ignite a real conversation.
It’s gonna feel weird, there’s no doubting that. But weird doesn’t equate to bad, and change is created through discomfort! All in all, we’re all humans on this earth together, trying our best for the most part. You never know who might need to hear a kind compliment, have a laugh, or just be asked a question with genuine interest in hearing the answer. Let’s create joy instead of small talk.