My Spotify Playlists are my Diaries

The first thing I was worried about when I received my first phone was how I was going to listen to music. I wasn’t worried about Snapchat or Instagram; all that I cared about was my ability to listen to One Direction all by myself without any fight from my brothers. 

Music has always been incredibly important to me. Some of my best memories revolve around music. Whether it was driving to my grandparents’ house in my mom’s minivan, listening to Stevie Nicks with my mom, or going to my first Taylor Swift concert with my little sister at Gillette Stadium in the pouring rain. 

I noticed that the best thing I could do for myself when I felt any emotion ever was to find the perfect song, or mix of songs to match my mood. I found that there was no equivalent to screaming “Since You Been Gone” after my first boyfriend broke up with me in the 7th grade. Sometimes the only thing that allows me to feel my real feelings is finding a song that fits my situation perfectly. 

So, when I finally received a Spotify Premium account for my 14th birthday, I knew what I had to do. Not only could I make my own playlists, but now I could add a photo to the cover. It’s safe to say that I was absolutely ecstatic. 

And thus, one of my favorite hobbies was created: playlist making! I became absolutely obsessed. I spent hours formulating the perfect playlists with the perfect names and perfect cover photos. Looking back now, all I can do is cringe at my old playlists. I look at old songs that I used to listen to and remember the feelings that I was trying to get out of listening to them. It kind of reminds me of looking back at an old diary. 

Being the dramatic child that I was, in addition to my multifarious playlists, I also had diaries spanning from when I first started writing in kindergarten to the present day. When I look back at my old diaries, I always experience some level of second-hand embarrassment. I reflect on the feelings I was having at the time, and they all felt smaller, almost insignificant, depending on how much time had passed. Somehow, the issues that my younger self was so affected by seemed silly. 

This is why my playlists feel so personal to me. To allow just anyone to see the songs I have on them feels like an incredibly intimate insight into my life. My deepest darkest fears and desires. 

I think these points point to something bigger than just silly playlists or diaries; they prove the idea that maybe time really does heal all wounds. I’m sure that in a few years from now, when I look at my current playlists and diaries detailing the drama going on in my life, everything will seem like less of a life-altering event and more like something that happened to me. 

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