This past Thanksgiving break, I came to a realization. High school ended nearly two years ago, and I’ve changed. This shouldn’t be surprising, but for some reason, I didn’t fully understand this until this past Thanksgiving break. Obviously, a lot changes in two years, especially when you make a big shift like moving to a different state and going to college. But I never thought I would find myself feeling so disconnected from the people I called my closest friends all throughout high school.
We all ended up going to different schools and are in very different environments. One of my closest friends is living in New York City and studying architecture, while another is attending Salve Regina in Newport, Rhode Island. I have a friend who joined a frat at FSU and another who is in a sorority at Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute. We all chose different paths and places that suited us and our goals the best, but as we grow into ourselves, we seem to be growing in different directions, away from each other.Â
Over break, I got into an argument with my friend at RPI. We were talking about her impatience and her low tolerance for mistakes when it comes to her friends and her boyfriend, especially in romantic and social situations. I felt myself disagreeing with her in a way that I never had before. Throughout our four years together in high school, we were attached at the hip and always seemed to have the same perspective on situations like these. I felt myself getting angry, and I said some things that I shouldn’t have. I accused her of changing and becoming righteous towards everyone around her, which is paradoxical in it of itself. Who am I to make these claims? Yes, I was speaking about how she makes me feel, but that’s not an excuse. She responded by telling me she doesn’t feel like she has changed; her tolerance has just gotten lower for mistakes and ignorant behavior. She suggested the idea that I may have been the one who changed, and at first, I didn’t agree. I didn’t feel like I had changed either. How dare she accuse me of that? Our conversation ended with an awkward goodbye, and we haven’t really spoken since.Â
But a few days later, when I got back to campus, it clicked. I looked around at my people that I call home here at UMass. My friends now are so different from the people I was with in high school. While they may also be academically driven and goal oriented, they are also peaceful and are able to have emotional conversations about themselves and their personalities and growth in a way that nobody from my high school friend group was ever able to. They don’t prioritize partying and social status, but still love a goofy night out with friends and music, and dancing. Because of this, my agenda is different now. I’m comfortable with myself and don’t feel a need to exert myself for social gain. I feel safe now.Â
I think all of my home friends have grown into this same energy in their own way, and all of our goals have shifted. While some of them seem to be prioritizing partying and social status more than ever before, they also seem to be right where they want to be. Some of them, like my RPI friend, have done the opposite. She no longer wants to go out with us or go to parties and is more academically focused than I have ever seen her. I’m proud of her; she has big dreams of becoming an engineer and is going after what she wants. Like my other friends, she is right where she wants to be.Â
I think there comes a time after high school when you realize that, as the seasons change, so do we. We are heading into the second half of our sophomore years, and it’s safe to say we are no longer lonely teenagers, clinging to anyone nice enough to call a friend. We now have standards and different criteria for friendships. I think the best thing you can do for the people you used to call your home is to just support them. Whether that support comes from an inside perspective with phone calls and hang outs over school breaks, or if it just comes from Instagram story likes and an awkward hello at the grocery store, only time will tell. All I know is that these people were my world at one point in my life and carried me through rough moments and for that I will always be grateful. But you can’t fight change, and you shouldn’t fight change, especially when it’s good for each of us individually.Â
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