Surgery has been one of my biggest fears for a very long time. It was something I hoped I would never have to go through.
Well… that didn’t turn out very well. Up until January, I had never had surgery of any kind before. That was until my drastic downfall in October — the first time I broke my ankle. I was so happy when they said I didn’t need surgery. Until I broke it again it days after getting my boot off. Hearing the words, “you need surgery,” made my heart sink. I looked at my doctor, tears in my eyes, hoping he would say that there was some way I could go without, but that didn’t happen.
January 7, 2022, I had my first surgery. I woke up early as I had not gotten much sleep the night before. I got ready as best I could, although I had a splint on my leg, so there wasn’t much I could do. I knew there was no point in putting on any sort of makeup since I would be crying the whole day. The funny thing, though, is when people are scared of surgery, it’s usually about the needles and the pain that comes with it. They barely think about the anesthesia because it’s the one part that gets them through the process. In my case, though, the anesthesia is what I dreaded the most. I get very anxious about not having control over my own body and the unknown. Being put to sleep without knowing what it felt like — or if I was going to be that one patient that woke up during it — was my biggest fear.
All day, I paced around waiting for the call that I could come in. The hospital had not given a time and said they would call when they were ready. That made things much worse. We were 45 minutes away from the hospital and had no idea what time they would call. Finally, 5 p.m. came around and I get the call that not only were they ready, but they needed me there now. This caused a commotion — I had to leave that instant to get there because the surgeons were ready with no warning. Once we get there, I check in, and they say I need to wait in my car for another half hour because they weren’t ready. Somehow that made sense. The next thing I know, over an hour rolls by, and I’m still waiting. It’s closer to 7 p.m. now. I had waited all day and wanted this over with, but it seemed to be dragging on forever.
Once I finally got called in, I go through the basics. Keep in mind I am crying this entire time because of this whole experience, and now it was finally time for the anesthesia. Most people are calm when they are put under. Not me. I got the joy of falling asleep while crying. That must have been an interesting experience for the doctors. The next thing I knew, it was 12 a.m., and I had just woken up and the surgery was over. Then I started crying again because of the drugs and being alone in the hospital room due to COVID-19 rules, and the fact that I had waited all day for this. After going over the instructions of what I needed to do at home, I was sent on my way.
This is one night I will never forget. This is the day I discovered surgery is definitely not my thing, and I need to be more careful if I want to avoid going through it ever again. But to anyone about to go through surgery for the first time: I made it. I didn’t enjoy it, but I made it, and so can you.
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