Growing up, I casted myself as the side character. And to those who weren’t in my very close and very small social circle, I was the background actor who mouths a slew of random words while sipping coffee out of an empty cup. Meanwhile, the attention was somewhere else entirely (unless I tripped or caused a disruption on set, inconveniencing the whole production).
This is how I got used to existing – in the backgrounds of others’ stories. I classified myself as an introvert who looked to surround myself with people who were more dominant than me so I could fade into the scene’s background where invisibility felt safe.
I am not throwing myself a pity party with these dramatics – more people than not have felt this at some point in their lives. Have you been the friend who has to walk on the grass while the others are on the sidewalk? Have you walked around a testosterone-infested weight room and imagined that all eyes were on you, judging? Have you run into a person you met that one time a couple of weeks ago and questioned whether they remember you too, or maybe they don’t so you should just pretend as if you don’t remember them? I’m sorry, but all of this is side character energy.
I have changed drastically over the course of my life, and it all chalks up to confidence. But I’m not just talking about some abstract concept wherein people tell you to just work on yourself. No, my confidence has come from romanticizing the shit out of my life. I have written a mental novel about myself: reflecting on my prequels and past chapters and brainstorming the sequels and next chapters. I have curated my life into one big story with epic character developments and plot twists.
Now, I am not a narcissist, nor am I delusional. I know that my life is not this exciting, but that’s not the point. This is the one life that was given to me, and I am going to work with what I’ve got – so, you better believe that I am going to play pretend and manifest some good ol’ main character energy for myself.
The crux to making yourself into the main character is romanticizing the situations and people in your life. For starters, idealize your future. Imagine your 20s living in NYC with your friends while working your dream job. Imagine traveling to Italy, journaling, and sipping red wine near some fountain with naked Romans carved into it. It doesn’t even matter if you have a completely fictional bucket list. If everything was achievable, then the future would be way too predictable to be fun.
Write your own love story. If you’re anything like me and peruse the romance section at Barnes and Noble, we love a good love story. So, reflect on your past relationships. Take the good and the bad and make each one of them reasons to why you have your guard up, or why you crave physical touch versus words of affirmation. Think about how the trials and tribulations of heartbreak have impacted your character development.
Do me a favor and right now: log on to Spotify and play Taylor Swift’s “I Bet You Think About Me (Taylor’s Version) (From the Vault)” – as a matter of fact, play every Taylor song and make it about yourself. Be the one that got away; be the person who everyone falls in love with; be the badass bitch absolutely BODYING that Rihanna song at the bar. It’s about romanticizing every trope you find yourself in, no matter if it’s your single-girl era or your star-crossed lovers’ one.
Make your family and friends the most important things in your life. The people in your life will affect every plot, and they can be the most uplifting and wonderful additions to your life. Know that all the people in your life are and have been there for a reason, and they always come at the right times.
Walk in the middle of the path. Read a book at a coffee shop. Look longingly out the window of the bus. Believe that the cute stranger next to you in line has fallen in love with you. Cook a full-course dinner for yourself, and eat it alone at the table with your phone away. This isn’t about being self-absorbed. It’s about appreciating your life and enjoying it without reservation.
Be the main character in your own story – after all, you have copyright over that shit.
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