Dear Mother Nature,
I think I speak for all the UMass Collegiettes when I say that this winter has been a miserable one. It’s escalated to the point that on a thirty-degree day, when BELOW FREEZING, it suddenly feels like shorts weather to all of New England. Considering that there’s still a ridiculous amount of snow on the ground, coupled with the fact that the average temperature has been a solid five degrees for the past few months, we’ve begun questioning whether summer still exists at this point. We literally feel like we’re trapped in Narnia’s eternal winter and that every East Coaster no longer remembers any other kind of weather. Seriously, people are starting to feel personally victimized by you. Thus, our one and only request is for you to get your act together and chill with the wind and snow. We don’t think we’re asking for too much, just a little rain to wash this wintery wonderland turned infernal ice hell away, is that not reasonable?
Our opinion on winter wasn’t always like this, so we are forced to blame you for turning us into cynical hellions who act like their one job is to complain about the weather. Flashback to December, when we were rooting for every winter storm because that meant classes would be canceled, which meant an extra day to frolic in the snow and avoid doing any school work. Nowadays, we dread the very idea of stepping foot outside into the icy, dirty, slushy tundra that is UMass, and find ourselves wishing for the first signs of spring like there’s no tomorrow.
Not only do we hate how all this cold weather makes us feel, but we also get annoyed by what you have brought out in other people. Do you think we like it when it’s negative three degrees out and we see boys who think they are too cool for coats, hats and PANTS? Moreover, we’ve become convinced that this entire campus has Seasonal Affective Disorder because people have generally been more morose and lethargic as of late. Normally we would just brush it off and say “f*ck the weather”, but that’s not enough anymore.
Mother Nature, we’ve forgotten what it’s like to be warm, or to see grass, or to feel wind that doesn’t cut our faces like a rusty, jagged knife. Maybe next winter we’ll re-examine our feelings, but until that point, please just quit it with your antics.
Sincerely,
UMass Students Everywhere