The opinions expressed in this article are the writer’s own and do not reflect the views of Her Campus.
Sex is a natural act that should be embraced in conversation with friends and lovers. So many other personal topics are opened up about, like mental health or our periods, so why shouldn’t sex be included in that? Speak at your own pace and enjoy the bonding time you spend with the people you share with because, at the end of the day, this is for you to explore yourself and learn new things.
Sharing is all about understanding oneself and opening up to the idea of deep, internal discovery. Sex is something that takes time to adapt to and talking about it can help with that process. You can surface your likes and dislikes, what makes you excited, or what turns you off. This can be applied to future sexual encounters and will steer you in the direction you hope it will go. You’ll learn things about your partner too, like what made them happier or what they enjoyed doing the most. The conversation is an opening for improvement in both your sex life and those you choose to have sex with and makes the whole experience more enjoyable for everyone.
The company of friends during these sessions can also open you up to new ideas to spice up your time in the sheets. Engaging with other people is enriching to our lives and gives us knowledge that standard education or online searches could never fully encapsulate. The people you speak to about this topic will also be there as guides who can help you through the roadblocks you encounter in your sex life. Whether that be a cold partner or an unoriginal sex routine that leaves you wanting more, friends can help you work through these feelings. They can also help you avoid toxic sex behaviors in both yourself and your partner.
Sex-talk can act as a form of stress relief. Openness in general is a great way to get anything and everything off your chest and allows you an outlet to discover what you really want or feel. Sometimes there are pent-up frustrations about your partner not satisfying or there’s anxiety about not understanding your partner’s needs. We should embrace those stressors and use them as the push to guide these conversations because it’s a great launching-off point. Even talking about the positives in your sex life can be relieving because it’s enjoyable to speak about the great things going on in your life and has stress-relieving qualities. It’s similar to how everyone likes to talk about how awesome they’re doing at a high school reunion; it’s fun to hype yourself up around others.
We have hook-ups, situationships, dating, friends-with-benefits, “it’s complicated,” talking, and so many more labels for sexual relationships that can be overwhelming. Talking about what sex means to you and your partner(s) and defining it with your friends can be a great way to deviate from that uncertainty and take the pressure off of you to figure it out alone. You can receive much-needed advice from friends on how to proceed with your sexual relationship in regards to how they feel or when you’re comfortable enough with your partner, you can discuss with them what the sex means to both of you and move forward from there. There’s less guessing involved in trying to understand what sex signifies.
Bottom line: sex isn’t talked about enough and we need to fix that. There are so many benefits to talking with partners or friends about sex that can open us up to new experiences or close the door to behaviors we don’t like. Sex is something we’ll all come across at some point in our lives, whether that be in media or directly, so we should take comfort in conversations about it.