In the age where everything is posted on social media, especially tales about relationships and heartbreak, it can be difficult to navigate the world of romance. So, when I tell people that I’ve been in a relationship for over four years with the boy I met during my freshman year of high school, I am often met with extreme surprise. People always ask me how I’ve managed to keep a relationship going for so long despite how much we have changed, especially as we have gotten older. While I do not claim to be any sort of expert on the subject, I feel like I have learned many lessons about relationships over the past few years, and I wanted to share my real and honest feelings about love.
A lot is down to luck
While a “meet-cute” is heavily romanticized, unfortunately, this cliche is most often not the case with how most relationships form. It’s boiled down to luck. Obviously, finding a mutual deep connection is not something that happens every day.
Keeping and maintaining a relationship requires a lot of time and commitment; it is important to wait until you find the person who makes everything worth it. That right person who will make you want to do all that cringy stuff that you swore you’d never do, and will allow you to feel comfortable and understood.
While there is no such thing as love at first sight, and a connection will take some time to foster, no matter who the other person is, the right person will make this feel fun and easy. Therefore, there is a luck aspect to love that can make it feel frustrating, but in my opinion, it’s always better to wait for the real thing than to settle for something unfulfilling.
Get to know yourself first AND communicate
Something I realized quite early on is how crucial it is to get to know yourself while you are in your relationship. I would say there are three important things you should know about yourself: what makes you tick, what you want, and what your boundaries are. Everyone has specific actions or situations that trigger extreme emotions, such as anxiety or panic, due to past experiences. For instance, someone who was cheated on might get a pit in their stomach whenever their partner does not respond right away. Knowing what can trigger uncomfortable emotions allows you to take a step back and calm yourself down more easily when these situations arise.
Similarly, knowing what you want is also crucial to maintaining a relationship because it allows you to critically analyze your goals when entering a relationship. Are you dating to marry or just to have fun? Are you looking for exclusivity, or are you open to love with multiple people? Do you want structured date nights every week, or are you looking for more comfy movie nights? Do you prefer quality time, gift giving, or words of affirmation? Understanding all of this ensures that you get into a relationship that is right for you and that matches your desires and needs.
Lastly, knowing what you do and do not tolerate forces you to take a hard look at your boundaries. This is imperative, as setting clear and honest boundaries makes relationships safer and more comfortable for all parties, making your relationship much stronger in the process.
However, it is not enough to simply know yourself: it is crucial to communicate this information as well! Communication is the key to any strong and healthy relationship. If you are going to take one thing from this article, have it be that: communication, communication, communication! Telling your partner your anxieties will allow them to alleviate them. Telling them about your wants will make sure they can fulfill them and make you feel loved. Additionally, telling them your boundaries will make sure they are respected every step of the way.
Nobody is perfect
When it comes to relationships, most people wish for someone who loves them despite their flaws. Yet, how many people have ever said, “We wish to love people despite their flaws?” Everyone has their own struggles, their own baggage, and so when getting into a relationship, it is important to treat people kindly and with understanding.
Love and relationships have always been and will always be a challenging part of life. While nobody has the perfect cheat codes to relationships, most certainly myself, I hope that the lessons I have learned throughout the years can be helpful!
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