I was scrolling TikTok the other day and noticed my feed was flooded with videos surrounding the British Vogue article written by Chante Joseph titled, Is Having A Boyfriend Embarrassing Now? I was immediately intrigued, at the point in my life that I’m at, everyone seems to be in a relationship, about to be in a relationship, or actively searching for a relationship. I won’t lie, when Sunday night, after a weekend filled with bad decisions, or a particularly bad day rolls around, my mind does wander to the idealistic boyfriend I have created in my head. The perfect person, who knows exactly what to say to me when I’m sad and never makes me feel less than perfect. Thankfully, this article pulled me out of my daze.
There truly is an epidemic right now. An evil man epidemic (maybe not evil, but you get the point). One woman interviewed in the Vogue article says that  “Even though I am a romantic, I still feel like men will embarrass you even 12 years in, so claiming them feels so lame.” Think about explaining that to a 20-year-old woman living in the 1950s. Really think about it. I’m no expert on the whole dating in the 1950s thing, but I’m pretty sure if you were with someone for over 12 years back then, you were expected to already have had three kids and one more on the way in the spring. These days, us single, straight girlies are lucky to get a text back from the mediocre man we met in the dining hall.
Now, I want it to be known that I am most certainly not a man-hater. I think that within every relationship, there is room for fault between both the man and the woman. However, I do think that in this day and age, something has infected the men in their late teens to early 20s. There seems to be a lack of respect for the female population as a whole. I can’t really point to one thing that I believe to be the cause of this, but I do think that American politics over the past ten or so years could be setting a dangerous precedent for the young men in our country. The United States has set the precedent that being openly racist, sexist, and homophobic can get you elected into high positions of power. One of my favorite quotes included in the article is from the comment section of The Delusional Diaries Podcast, with Halley and Jaz, two influencers from New York: “Why does having a boyfriend feel Republican?” While this comment does poke fun at being in a relationship, it also points to the issue of associating young men with homophobia, sexism, and racism.
In her article, Joseph discusses the “soft launch“, claiming that “women don’t want to be seen as being all about their man, but they also want the clout that comes with being partnered up.” Her words here really resonated with me. I could never find the words to describe why I hated the idea of the “soft launch”, but Joseph phrased it perfectly. Many women are in relationships with men that they are either ashamed of or don’t want to show off in fear of how it might affect their following. However, many of these women still want the attention that comes with being in a committed relationship. So, they sort of straddle this line between a public relationship and being single. In my opinion, if you cannot be proud of your boyfriend, you should not be with them at all.
This article made the bold statement that nobody wanted to make. The concept of not just heterosexual relationships, but relationships as a whole, is rapidly changing. I always enjoy when things like this go viral because I do think that it brings women together, it gives us the reassurance that there are other women thinking and feeling the same things as us. There is a comfort in knowing that the other single women around us are not in any rush to get into a relationship, simply because of the bad behavior of the men around us.
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