Although everyone’s eating disorder recovery is unique, many of us can relate to a very frustrating topic: body dysmorphia. Merriam Webster defines body dysmorphia as a preoccupation with a perceived defect in one’s appearance. While this does not exclusively impact those affected by eating disorders, research indicates that body dissatisfaction is the best-known contributor to the development of anorexia nervosa and bulimia nervosa.
After a decade-long battle with anorexia nervosa, I can finally say that I am at a place where I feel physically, mentally, and emotionally healthy. Reflecting on the progress I’ve made not only fills me with immense pride, but also inspires me to push myself further to reach a place where I am 100 percent comfortable with my body. With that goal in mind, I challenged myself to spend an entire week wearing my least favorite, most triggering item of clothing: jeans.
Personally, jeans are triggering for a variety of reasons. Size and numbers used to be huge triggers for me, and women’s jeans tend to vary in size depending on the brand and fit of the pants. You could be a size 0 at one store, and a size 4 at another store. I also avoid jeans because they are more constricting than other items of clothing, such as leggings. When I am wearing tight jeans, I am very aware of the fabric pushing on my abdomen. I often worry that my stomach will somehow spill over the waistline, or worse, that the jeans will rip while I am in public. Thanks to therapy and positive self-talk, I am now aware that this fear is baseless, as one will not spill out of properly fitting jeans, nor will properly fitting jeans suddenly rip at the slightest movement.
*Note: I consulted my therapist before doing this, and we both agreed that I was ready to participate in this challenge. I promised myself that I would stop the challenge if negative thoughts and emotions impacted my well-being. If you are considering doing this challenge, make sure that you are mentally prepared and under no circumstance should you endanger yourself. The purpose is to promote body positivity and self-acceptance.
In creating the challenge, I compiled a list of rules:
- I will wear jeans for a full school week, but only one day of the weekend because Sundays are for self-care and sweatpants.
- I can only change into other clothing, such as leggings, if I am going to the gym or going to bed.
- Each day, I will take a picture of my outfit to document the process and to hold myself accountable.
Day One: Monday
The first day was exciting. I picked out my outfit the night before, so when I got dressed in the morning, my focus was directed toward how much I loved my outfit rather than how much I disliked the feeling of jeans on my body. Also, for those of you noticing the extreme cuffing at the bottom of my pants, it is not for style purposes. Being 5’1, I have come to the realization that adult jeans are not made with short women in mind. If you are a college student on a budget and cannot afford a tailor, here is my favorite style hack: Capris and “cropped” pants will fit as full-length pants on shorter legs. Plus, they are usually cheaper than regular jeans!
Day Two: Tuesday
Feeling optimistic, I decided to kick it up a notch on day two. I woke up early, curled my hair, put in a little extra effort, and felt great! That positively quickly faded, however, at around 5 p.m. when I realized that I had to keep wearing jeans throughout my six-hour work shift at a local bubble tea shop. Nevertheless, I persisted and continued wearing jeans. Exhausted and sore, I left work that night yearning for my leggings. Then, I decided to check out the photos I took earlier that day to document my outfit. Although it may seem superficial, I began to understand and embrace the “look good, feel good” attitude. In the pictures, I saw a confident, stylish young woman. I realized that wearing jeans not only challenged my body dysmorphia but also gave me the motivation to express myself and have fun with my style.
Day Three: Wednesday
By the third day, wearing jeans felt like less of a challenge and more like a form of self-care. Regardless of how I was feeling, I had to take time and effort to pick out an outfit and take pictures of it. Forcing myself to spend a little extra time on myself gave me a boost of confidence each morning, and my peers started taking notice. I received various compliments on my outfits, hair, and overall demeanor. As one of my friends commented, “You have an extra pep in your step!”
Day Four: Thursday
Unfortunately, I was feeling sick on the fourth day. Fortunately, “boyfriend” jeans exist, and while they might not be as comfortable as sweatpants, I still managed to take several naps while wearing them. Plus, despite feeling sick, I enjoyed styling this outfit and even experimented with my hair a little bit.
Day Five: Friday
On Fridays, I work from 7 p.m. to midnight. Still feeling sick from the day before, I could almost hear my favorite Adidas sweatpants calling to me from inside my drawer. Looking back, I am surprised at the lack of negative thoughts surrounding body image. Throughout the challenge, my only complaint was discomfort. Aside from that, I was having too much fun creating a new “look” every day to even entertain negative thoughts about my body.
Day Six: Saturday
As you can see, I was feeling extremely confident by the end of the challenge. My confidence was so high that I attempted styling my hair into space buns. Whether my attempt was successful is up for debate, but I know I felt adorable. Honestly, once I overcame my fear of wearing jeans, I was eager to try more new styles as I realized the reward far outweighed any perceived “risk.”
Final Thoughts
After having such a positive experience with this challenge, I am no longer afraid of wearing jeans! Are they the most comfortable article of clothing? Of course not. However, I am no longer allowing body dysmorphia to dictate my clothing choices. Even now, as I write this article, I am wearing jeans without even giving it a second thought. While this challenge certainly did not cure my body dysmorphia, it gave me the opportunity to discover a sense of inner strength and courage to challenge negative thoughts to make room for happiness. Plus, I spiced up my wardrobe by stepping outside my comfort zone. If anyone reading this is considering doing something similar, I highly recommend giving it a try. It’s time to stop letting insecurities determine our self-image, and start giving our bodies the appreciation they deserve.
Images courtesy of author.