As what Gen Z and Millennials know as âCuffing Seasonâ rolls in with the cold weather, many people find themselves desperately seeking a romantic partner. In recent years, lots of youth have fallen victim to the âsituationship,â and while that term has gained more popularity and usage in the past decade, the painful experience of being led on or ghosted is nothing new.
- Defining the situationship
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Contrary to this heading, a situationship is something that is not defined at all. It is a dynamic between two people that is not entirely romantic but absolutely not simply just platonic. It is an unlabeled relationship that, the majority of the time, is one-sided: one person cares significantly more about the other. From my observation, the situationship is something that disproportionately affects young women emotionally. All in all, it is unfulfilling, painful, and unhealthy.
- Stating the obvious
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The easiest way to avoid a situationship dynamic or to protect yourself against getting misled or strung along is to communicate your expectations, wants, and needs clearly with your potential partner, and hear what they want out of the relationship. Just as important as communication is having self-respect, as difficult as that can be to actually practice. Stand by what you say and donât settle for less. You will not be fulfilled by relationships where youâre treated as a doormat, and you deserve to feel good and secure with your companion. Consistency in their actions and words is a necessity. If the person you are seeing tells you that they are interested in you, but doesnât behave in a way that shows it, stop engaging with them. Remember, sending mixed signals is a signal in itself. Trust is the foundation of any relationship or friendship, and if you cannot trust that this person will communicate with, treat you, or acknowledge you in the same way, consistently, then it might be wise to reconsider bringing them into your life.
- How do you spend time
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Sometimes, you meet someone in a particular scenario or manner that can prevent a real romantic relationship from being able to form, at least for the time being. If you have only seen this person at night, intoxicated, or in party settings, aspiring for a committed, romantic relationship might not be realistic until youâre able to actually get to know this person and spend sober time with them.
- My first and worst situationship
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When I was in high school, I developed feelings for a girl on my lacrosse team. We would talk in school, she called me babe a few times, and we even went on what felt like a date but wasnât declared as one, yet neither of us officially confessed our feelings to each other and we werenât speaking by the end of the year. It was a very frustrating instance of âwhat couldâve been,â especially after I realized months later that she had actually been flirting with me the entire time. My self-esteem was so low in high school that I couldnât imagine anyone flirting with me or finding me attractive, and she was most likely in a similar place, or thought my lack of response to her flirtations was a sign of disinterest. What I learned from this experience is that flat out telling her how I felt and risking either being accepted or rejected by her wouldâve led to a much better outcome than both of us waiting for the other person to make a move, unknowing where we stood.
- Know what you actually want
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On the flip side of the situationship dynamic, if you are not looking for anything serious, that is perfectly fine, and there is no need to feel shame for it as long as you are upfront with your intentions as early as possible. You should be able to have a conversation with a sexual or âsituationalâ partner about what your boundaries and wants are, and while the idea of having that conversation might be intimidating, it does not have to be an awkward or painful topic; rather, it is responsible to do so.
- Have compassion for yourself
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In our society, women especially are socialized from a young age to prioritize and actively seek out romantic relationships whenever possible, but it is essential to remember that we all have worth outside our relationship status and that we can find fulfillment and companionship in friendships, family, and community. Oneâs lack of dating experience says nothing about who they are as a person or their attractiveness. Continuing, it is normal to experience heartbreak even without having dated someone officially, and to not feel ashamed or foolish for falling for someone who didnât want the same thing as you or strung you along.Â
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