We live in a rapidly modernizing world, and while some people may be apprehensive to change, people like Lizzo are grabbing this opportunity with both hands to make their voice heard. The effect on young girls to see a plus-size, black, female artist who has a song at Billboard’s HOT 100 for five weeks is absolutely inspiring. Representation matters, and not only is Lizzo all of those things that we don’t usually see in well-known artists, but she actually speaks out about it. Recently at her VMA performance, she managed to squeeze in a bit of her wisdom: “It’s so hard loving yourself in a world that doesn’t love you back. Am I right? So I want to take this opportunity right now to just feel good as hell because you deserve to feel good as hell!” So in our mighty Queen’s honor, here is how to work on getting that self-esteem and self-confidence you deserve.
Stop with the self-deprecating talk.
When you’re chatting with your friends, it can feel so easy to slip into the funny self-deprecating jokes and remarks, but sometimes the weight of your words can be heavy. I found myself laughing and saying “that was stupid” so often while I was out and about, and I never thought anything of it. Everyone would get a good chuckle, but I started to realize that I was beginning to mean it more and more. Even when I was alone, it felt like I was thinking about myself that way. It can sometimes feel easy to separate ourselves from what we say, but in the end, it has a way of sticking with us. Making a conscious effort to not put yourself down internally or externally can feel weird or ridiculous, but let’s be real, would Lizzo want you to say that about yourself?
Try not to fall down the comparison rabbit-hole.
But it’s also okay if you do! Mistakes are what we learn from and we shouldn’t be so afraid of making them. So if you do feel yourself inching towards the rabbit hole, change the narrative. I find myself so envious of people who have straight and smooth hair because mine can eat hairbrushes for breakfast. Instead of thinking how much prettier I’d be with straight hair, I think of how thankful I am for my little curlycue hairs that I twist when I’m bored. Just that small moment of redirection saved me from a bad mood. Focusing on yourself instead of others will always get you further, or as Lizzo says “I’m talented and I deserve to be seen as beautiful… I deserve to live to my full potential and be the superstar I dreamed of being.”
It’s okay to be confident.
Or even over-confident. We hear men being described as cocky all the time, I think it’s about time we had cocky women. And Lizzo is saying that, “black women have always defined pop, we just were never really given the platform or the credit.” Take credit where credit is due, and then some. Lizzo encourages us to take what is ours, and having people try to bring you down is part of the journey.
Remember what this is: a journey.
Self-love doesn’t just happen. It takes work and conscious effort. That means taking care of yourself even if it’s not glamorous. Everyday it’s hard to consciously stop yourself from that negative self-talk and comparison, but the first step is always the hardest and it gets easier every day from there. Lizzo reminds us, “it’s because loving yourself don’t happen overnight.. self-hate is years of internalized programming from external influences… sometimes self-hate is chemical & effects ya mentally/emotionally.. give your growth time— it took me 10 years and I’m still not 100% there.”