Oftentimes, when we think about relationships, we think about giving a piece of ourselves to somebody else. A lot of our time and effort goes into making our partner feel loved, but being in a relationship allows both individuals to grow. I have been in a relationship for almost four years, and although there were times in which I struggled with self-love and emotional dependency, I ultimately feel that the lessons I have learned (and continue to learn) have made me into a better person.
As someone who gets stressed very easily, I often find it very easy to close myself off from others. I shut off my emotions and get very dismissive when people ask me if there is anything they can do to help alleviate some of my stress. Communication is incredibly important in a relationship (which sounds cliché but is very true). Verbally communicating stresses and overwhelming emotions with people is not an easy task, but being able to talk it out and identify the root sources of stress and look for solutions is very beneficial, and I found that the only person that I was able to do that with for the longest time was my partner. Being vulnerable in my relationship and seeing that problems would not be solved without constant communication allowed me to verbalize my thoughts and feelings in different settings, such as with friends and family.
In addition to learning effective communication skills, being in a long-term relationship has allowed me to become a more patient and selfless person. I hate to admit it, but prior to my relationship, I would say that I was a very selfish person. In some ways, I still am, and that is okay, but I often find myself feeling very guilty about the fact that I cared so much more about my feelings than others. Having a connection with someone and your actions having direct effects on their feelings makes you realize that you have to put your own feelings aside and focus on the happiness of your partner. This mindset has followed me throughout my daily life and allows me to recenter my focus off of myself and on the broader picture.
I have also learned to be more independent over the last four years. At the beginning of a relationship, it seems very normal to constantly be thinking about your partner and pushing off plans and obligations you have to spend more time with them. Being in a relationship for a long amount of time has allowed me to realize that a relationship is best formed when two people are happy individually, and can enjoy the time that they spend together; relying on another person for your happiness is detrimental in the long run. Finding things that make you happy when you can not be around your partner and relying on yourself for fulfillment is an incredible feeling, even though it may take a while to get there.
The last four years have been a very important time in my life, and my relationship has shaped me into the person I am today.
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