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How To Date The Motivated Girl

Between living in the new millennium,and in a liberal state, the time of feminism is upon us as a new generation of college educated women enter the workplace. Our generation is more driven than ever. We are pressured by previous generations to achieve more and for women to be aware of the limits that were placed on women before us such as voting rights and job restrictions. We have become fiercely independent and will not take no for an answer. We seek better pay, better opportunities in our internships and jobs, and a better quality of life through accessible means of birth control. For some of us, relationships tend to take the back burner so that we can achieve our dreams and answer to no one but ourselves. Relationships can become a hassle, since we feel pretty complete without a boy to text and our own achievements are attributed solely to us.  

Nowadays, guys are much more accepting of being equal with us; we have the same education level, the same relative GPAs, and the same goals to get jobs out of college and start forming our lives. Guys recognize (well…most since the high school ones you still follow on Twitter who retweet Meninist quotes are boys/children after all) that we are allowing them into our lives, and we no longer feel the need to drop everything in our lives to find a guy to validate our existence. 

Most guys recognize that we want our independence and independence does not die in a relationship if the relationship is healthy. Two people can motivate each other and have a healthy competition between getting higher grades, studying more (study dates are the best dates because it’s like a coffee date with a higher guarantee of achieving an A) volunteering more (finding volunteering opportunities the partner might not have known about), as well as jobs and internships that might have been hard to find before. With the right person, you can become a power couple and that’s how boys can win us back. So ladies, share with your guy friends the following steps if they want a girl that has lots of determination. 

1) Recognize that she will not have time for you whenever you want and that she will not cancel important events to be with you. 

It can be frustrating because you want a date night. Your best bet is to find a night of the week that works for both of you and while it doesn’t have to be every week that you have a date night, it will be helpful to remember a day of the week that she doesn’t have club meetings/volunteering obligations until 10pm. Don’t get frustrated at her for being so busy; you knew what you were signing up for, and if you believe you’re the right guy for her then you won’t complain about something you knew.

2) Have your own obligations.

This is important. A girl with as much drive as the girl you’ve chosen to pursue will get bored easily if you grab dinner somewhere (off campus or a DC) and you have nothing to contribute to a conversation about your day. If she wants to talk about her classes and her teachers and her job and her internship follow ups and the funny thing that happened at her volunteering gig today….well you better at least have stayed awake in the only class you attended today. Otherwise, she’ll begin to notice how boring the conversation is, despite your feelings for her. With a motivated girl who’s ready for the world, even if the chemistry between you two is amazing, you won’t last long if you can’t stimulate her mind. 

3) Be passionate.

Passion is in everything you’re interested in. The classes you took, the jobs you’ve held, your future goals, and even your favorite food. A lack of passion equates to a lack of zest for life and there is something interesting in everything. If you don’t see it, you’re not looking hard enough and girls that have drive and motivation with unstoppable goals will get bored with a guy just going through the motions until his degree.

4) Respect her.

You might have been able to get away with being rude in front of, or even worse- behind- your previous girlfriend’s back because she wouldn’t want to come off as “crazy” for calling you out on bull. I am forewarning you now that it does not matter where you are; grocery store, apartment or casual friendly get together with other people, the independent, motivated girl will call you out. Don’t think you can make a joke about something she’s self conscious about, whether it’s her body weight, her family problems, or her hearing loss disability, to your friends right in front of her face and then be shocked when she decides to drop you as a potential suitor right then and there. The girls nowadays know that the time we waste with disrespectful guys is never time well wasted and we are smart enough to see a toxic relationship the second it rears its ugly head. If you want to keep us, you will respect us.  

Bottom Line: We rule our own lives and we’re empowered enough to recognize that fact. If we deem you worthy of our time, we really want you to live up to our expectations. If you turn out to be boring and just getting by in life, we’ll drop you pretty quickly and won’t think twice. 

Sources: 1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5 / 6 / 7


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Kat Kent

U Mass Amherst

Fraternal twin from cape cod, MA. Transfer student who took a while to find her major. Enjoys long walks on the beach holla
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