He said, She said: Scaring off the opposite sex

For the Ladies:
By: Jon Taft
 
By no means am I a casa-nova of the ladies. While we’re in the circle of trust here, I’ll admit to you that my entire mom’s side of the family has a pool of money in excess of $1,000 predicting the when/how I will eventually meet my future spouse. Odds are I’m going to agree with my father’s prediction since he whispered into my ear, “Definitely Craigslist, absolutely under the casual encounter section, and I’ll bet against the mortgage she will own between 7-12 stray cats and two of these felines will be named after her previous two husbands”. I didn’t take my dad as a whisperer.
 
While this subject is an entire can of worms that I’m eagerly waiting to open with my psychologist next week, I’ve picked up a few tricks of the trades over my last few years at UMass as to the dos/do nots of hook-ups for both the ladies and gentlemen.
 
So please, take all of this with a grain of salt. For simplicity of this exercise, let’s say you met a guy at the bar/party, just hooked up (maybe a few times) and you’re now wondering “how can I keep this thing going without getting a restraining order delivered to my mailbox by the end of the semester?” Here’s a guys perspective on post-hookup protocol in the most appropriate fashion possible: rambling, incoherent, and confusing:
 

Texting
When is the right time to text a guy after hooking up once or maybe a few times? Good question, I mean it’s certainly impossible to generalize every individual male to what I’m about to write about, but from hanging around my group of guy friends over the past few years, here are some of the things that I’ve noticed. I’d say a fairly good barometer to use with anyone is the morning after a hook-up. If the guy is rushing you out the door by 7 AM on a Sunday because, “his parents are coming to visit”, “he has to be at work”, or “he has a group meeting for a project” then odds are none of these are true and he just wants you out as soon as possible. Sure, maybe it’s true, but if you’re being escorted out in a fairly rushed fashion than I’d say you shouldn’t be getting trigger happy on your cell phone a few hours later, “How was your parents visit?” Save yourself the embarrassment because most likely he’s reading all of your texts out loud to his roommates while they’re hungover and laughing at your poor expense.
 
In general, I’d say if there is some chemistry the next morning and you both to seem to enjoy one another’s company than it is certainly alright to text him next week asking him what’s up for the night. Don’t go barraging him with meaningless texts loaded with emoticons because if you’re over the age of 14 then texting emoticons should be illegal. Certainly if he’s initiating conversations with you throughout the week then don’t be afraid to start up a conversation yourself. Personally, if I’m crushing on a girl that you don’t know well or you’ve hooked up with a few times than it’s certainly a “neato” feeling to say the least when a girl starts up a conversation with you. Be smart with your texting, if you find yourself initiating all the conversations on a daily basis and you’re receiving one worded responses that aren’t inviting, just stop because if he wants to hook up again- he will make it known. No guy wants to go hunting one legged deer in the woods, they want to chase down the prized beast and show off the rewards the next morning.
 
The Follower
While it sounds cliché, the last thing that a guy wants to deal with after hooking up with a girl is having a stage five clinger on their hands. This is especially true when he’s out, enjoying himself with friends, and every time he turns around he sees the girl within a few feet of him at all times. While you may think you’re as stealthy as Jason Bourne out at the bar, you’re just not. This makes guys feel extremely uncomfortable and as if his mother is surveilling him at a middle school dance during an age of “bumping and grinding”. If you want to talk to him, walk right up to him and start a conversation. Confidence is certainly sexy, but you already know that. Plus, it’s much cheaper than buying all that camouflage you’re going to need to be discrete at the bar or party.  
 
Groups of Friends  
I’ll go out on a limb and say that girls share their hookup experiences more openly with their friends than guys in terms of how they genuinely feel about him. Most guys won’t care that you talk about hooking up with him with your friends, that’s certainly to be expected. However, if he doesn’t know any of your friends or roommates and he suddenly sees the girl he’s hooked up with about four other girls all staring with their beady little eyes in the corner of the room…then it’s a very uncomfortable feeling. No one likes hearing, “Oh I’ve heard so much about you” when they haven’t had a chance to make an impression for themselves.
 

Facebook Friending
While I never thought I’d see the day where I was going to saying this, there certainly is Facebook etiquette that needs to be observed when hooking up with someone. Friending a guy an hour after hooking up just isn’t alright. It just wreaks stalker vibes that no guy wants to be a part of. Wait a few days; give it time, there’s nothing wrong with friending a guy on Facebook (who doesn’t love a friend request?) but timing is everything. Guys will definitely judge you differently if you friend him a few hours after a hook-up as opposed to a few days or a week.
 
For the Gentlemen:
By: Katie Foley
 
Having trouble catching a girl and holding on to her? I have learned through experience and observation that many men make mistakes that send their date running for the hills. Here are some things that you may be doing wrong….and how to fix them!
 
Talking about the Ex
I won’t lie. Women do want to know some of the dirty details about your ex-girlfriend – just as much as you probably want to know what went down with their ex-boyfriends. Why did they break up? Was it his fault, her fault, or mutual? Was he good looking? Smart? Crazy? But the thing is, not all girls want to know everything. A girl would be lying to you if she said she didn’t have any questions about your ex, but that doesn’t mean she wants you to tell her about all of the things you loved about her, how upset you were/are that you broke up, or worse: how kick-ass your sex life was.
 
However, bad-mouthing someone from your past isn’t any better. While you may assume that talking trash about your ex will be reassuring to us, it’s actually a bit of a turn-off. Does he talk about all of his exes like that? Will he talk about me like that if things don’t work out? It’s alright to briefly touch on your past relationships, and maybe even explain where things went wrong so as to avoid it in the future, but don’t go into too much detail too soon! Too much right off the bat makes it look like you aren’t over her and aren’t ready to try something new. My advice is to wait until the time is right, or until you are asked.
 
Blowing up her Phone
It’s self-explanatory: don’t call her and text her every waking moment of the day. Don’t get me wrong; we do love to know that you’re thinking about us, but you don’t need to send 5 text messages in under a minute in order to let her know that. Giving her a little breathing room does not mean that she’s going anywhere! Let her come to you sometimes.
 

Too Serious, Too Soon
This one is easy. I have known way too many people – both guys and girls – that have tried to take things to the next level way too fast. Whether one wants to make the relationship official after just days of knowing each other, or they want to “make love” on the first date.  If you’re honestly looking for a real relationship with a girl that you are GENUINELY interested in, don’t pressure her into moving faster than she wants to. If you do, you’ll either a) look desperate, or b) look a little crazy. Or both. Get to know what her interests are, what she has in mind for the future, what her family is like, etc. If she sees that you are sincere about getting to know her, your chances of making things work will skyrocket. I am not joking when I say that I knew a guy who told his girlfriend that he loved her after… 3 days of dating. She was out of there in a heartbeat. Just don’t do it, simple as that. Taking your time is key.
 
Over-Complimenting
Every woman adores the occasional compliment. We like being told that we look nice after spending time getting ready, and we love it when our man randomly says something like, “by the way, you look gorgeous today.” But over-complimenting, agreeing with everything we say, and constantly trying to flatter us begins to look insincere after a while. Despite what some men think, telling your lady (or, potential lady) how pretty and perfect she is every 5 seconds is NOT a good look.  Does he really mean that or is he just trying to get in my pants? Tone it down a bit. That way, when you catch her off-guard with a compliment, it won’t seem like every other conversation. Rather, she’ll know you are genuine.
 

Poor-hygiene
Shower daily. Wear deodorant. Brush your teeth. Enough said.
 
Over-Possessive
Although being over-possessive is never a good thing, it is especially bad when the relationship is fresh.  A clingy boyfriend is one of the biggest turnoffs a girl can face.  Yes, it may be a pain to sit at home while she’s out, or not know exactly what she is up to, but you have to learn to trust (and the same goes for her)! If you want to creep her out and send her running, send her 15 text messages asking where she is, who she is with, when she will be getting home, how many drinks she has had, if she has been dancing with other guys, if she’s been hit on, etc. If you want to hold on to her, let her have her girl’s night in peace.  Also, don’t make her feel like she can’t hang out with other guys. Some girls get along better with men and may have more guy friends than girlfriends! This isn’t something to be jealous of. If your relationship is solid and you have trust in each other, you shouldn’t have to worry about these things.
 
Another piece of advice?Go out with the guys every now and then! If you are the clingy type, this will help ease you away from that bad habit. You don’t need to make her the center of your life by spending every second together. That has proven to ruin relationships.
 
If you are single and wondering why every girl you date has pulled a disappearing act, perhaps you should take this advice into consideration. If some of it seems harsh, then my apologies. But someone had to tell you!