Age-gap relationships are everywhere. Whether it’s in Hollywood films like “Babygirl”, on college campuses, or even within your own immediate family. Some of the healthiest relationships I’ve encountered are ones with significant gaps, going from 5 years and up. Although age-gap relationships aren’t necessarily taboo, it’s interesting to hear the rhetoric regarding them. Growing up, it was instilled in me that women mature at a more expedited rate than men. It made sense to see a younger woman going for an older man, because it was assumed that their mental ages aligned. Yet, the older I get, the more I’ve realized that looking for love outside of your own age group doesn’t guarantee success.
My upbringing forced me to mature much quicker than I intended. I was the youngest of the family for quite some time. The youngest sibling, the youngest cousin, and the youngest niece. My brother was 20 years older than me and my sister was seven years older. Mix in the feeling of being excluded because of my age with some unfortunate familial circumstances and the end result is a girl extremely motivated to feel older than she is. At 15, attending my sister, Lauren’s, college graduation, I had all her friend’s parents confused. They couldn’t fathom the fact that I was her younger sister. One dad even went as far as to ask me what year I graduated college. Being 6 inches taller than her definitely didn’t help my cause. Even now, people struggle to grapple with the fact that I am 19-years-old.
Once I reached an appropriate dating age, I realized something: I couldn’t relate to the guys in my grade, at least not fully. Even though we’ve walked the same amount of time on this Earth, it felt like we were years apart. That is not to say that I was at the peak of maturity, but that I was more mature than my male counterparts in high school. The only viable solution seemed to be to pursue men older than me. I’d seen some of my girlfriends do it, so why couldn’t I? The logic was sound. It was a seemingly foolproof course of action — or so I thought.
It wasn’t until after graduating from high school that I began to dip my toes into older waters. I’ve gone on some dates, although I won’t specify just how much older I’m referring to. Some were quite enjoyable. Some weren’t. Some were just okay. What shocked me the most was the fact that some of the men I encountered were still insanely immature. This solution I’d come up with didn’t solve anything.Â
Lesson learned
After dating older, I can confidently say that maturity is not always synonymous with aging. Putting a couple of years between my partner and me doesn’t mean we will automatically work out the way I once thought it would. While I think it’s important to recognize that age gaps can prove to be successful, it’s also important to recognize that they can fail. This is my word of advice to any girl who, like me, feels too mature for their age group. Wait it out. Take people as they are. Don’t assume someone is your perfect match because they are older.Â
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