Ghosted? How to Redefine Closure and Move Forward

Since their inception, fairy tales and rom-coms have given their audience the hope of finding “the one” and “Mr. Right.” But with 2021 and the realities of dating, it’s always “wyd?” and not “I burn for you.” Things have changed from courting to internet relationships and the opportunity of getting ghosted spooks around every corner. Texts left on read and snaps opened, closure is tough in this world but it’s definitely not unachievable.

Phenomenological (the science of phenomena) research says, “closure is knowing the reason a romantic relationship was terminated and no longer feeling emotional attachment or pain, thereby allowing for the establishment of new and healthy relationships.” Anyone can be entitled to this closure. Whether you feel the need for it due to the sudden silence after a few flirty messages or at the ending of a long, beautiful relationship, it’s tough either way. And these conversations can be really unnerving. Imagine having to expose all your vulnerabilities and on top of that take accountability for an action, a decision that didn’t just hurt them but a loved one as well. This is also why, a lot of us shirk this responsibility, finding comfort instead in running away and leaving the loose ends…loose.

I believe it’s high time to redefine what closure means to us and how we achieve it. In life, we rarely have control over the situations we encounter and isn’t it idealistic to imagine that your ex is going to sit you down and kindly explain all the reasons he hasn’t checked those voicemails? And even if this does end up happening, closure isn’t a magic potion that’s immediately going to make you move on from the tremendous pain and sadness. I am a firm believer of “only you can give yourself closure” and here’s how.

Start with the three A’s – acceptance, acknowledgment and affirmation.  Accept that a relationship has ended or you’ve been ghosted. It’s okay, it’s normal, it happens with everybody and you are not alone. Acknowledge that you don’t have the answer to why this happened and you might never get to know. Instead of focusing on their reaction, analyze and think about what you are feeling and what you want to do about it. Lastly, affirmations go a long way in helping you understand that this is not the end of the world. There’s still so much to look forward to so live life queen size!

When you’re at the end of any road, it’s difficult admitting that you imagined your partner to be someone they’re not. It’s so important to forgive yourself for trusting someone who didn’t consider your feelings. Take some time to grieve if you want. Call up your best friends, get those tubs of ice cream and cry to your heart’s content as you watch tv. While you’re at it, here’s a Rupi Kaur recommended list of to-dos post heartbreak. From personal experience, writing can help in giving an outlet to those unresolved, messy feelings. You could write them a letter expressing all that you feel and decide later whether to post it or not. Let the words spill on the paper and you’ll surely come back from the experience with a lighter heart.

Moving on from any kind of relationship takes time and effort. Happy days will come and so will days when you’re reminded of those who broke your heart. Set small and realistic goals to conquer daily. Take as much time as you need and know that you’ll bounce back pretty soon, ready to build your own epic love story!

• closure
• dating
• ghosting
• moving on
• relationship