It’s easy to underestimate the extent to which losing our acquaintances affects us. Thanks to the COVID-19 pandemic, we have all lost opportunities to socialize and, most importantly, communities. I lost my academic communities, my club communities, and my community of RAs.
In college, going to class was a social experience, sitting next to friends and chatting quietly about how challenging we found the homework, or our weekend adventures. Living in the dorms, going “home” at the end of each day was a social experience. I used to walk into my building and recognize every face. In college, you are surrounded by people all day long.
All of that came to a stop in March when the COVID-19 pandemic hit the United States. My social life went from booming to nonexistent.
These acquaintances are commonly referred to as weak ties. Weak ties are the low-stakes, casual relationships we often take for granted. Weak ties are: the barista that remembers your order every morning, the girl you sit next to every day in class, or the security monitor that lets you into your dorm building every evening. These people felt inconsequential when I had them, but I feel lost without them. Losing them means I have a lot of extra time on my hands, and what I crave to fill that space is social interaction.
According to Harvard Business Review, “Due to physical distancing, these once-common interactions have been eradicated, and we no longer have physical reminders that we are part of a wider social network.” Weak ties are a sign of being part of a community, and they are proven to contribute to feeling less lonely. This study resonated with me because I have been feeling lonely, even though I socialize all day: I text friends, I call my brother and my best friend, I go out on weekends, and I talk to my roommates all the time.
So, now I go out of my way to foster those weak ties. One tool that has been really helpful to me is working part-time on campus. It’s a place to go that’s not home, and it provides a social circle full of weak ties. Every morning I get out of the house, say “good morning” to the folks at the office, and chat about our weekend plans. These short conversations are usually positive, “feel-good” interactions that make my day a little bit better.
But I’m still not satisfied. I have weak ties, but I miss my weak ties. Slowly, I’ve been able to reform these relationships in new ways. The beauty is: reaching out to someone you haven’t heard from in a while can sometimes turn a weak tie into a strong one. This doesn’t necessarily mean sending a personalized text to someone you barely know. If that’s too bold, post an open-ended Snapchat story or group chat message. I have had success captioning pictures of my roommate’s cat with, “reply snap if he’s the cutest cat you’ve ever seen.” Similarly, I comment on my peers’ social media posts to recreate that tiny social interaction. Another, more bold strategy of mine is emailing strangers from Zoom classes, and the response is always overwhelmingly positive. I have also met new friends by asking for phone numbers in breakout rooms. It requires vulnerability, and opening yourself up to possible rejection. Don’t expect to get a 100% success rate, but you’ll quickly realize everyone is looking for friendship right now.