There are many family types other than the typical American nuclear family. One such family can include those who have been adopted into them. Adoption poses unique challenges to a family and we often think of adoption as a child adopted by parents. Not many people consider an adoptee who then goes on to have a family of their own. This situation suddenly becomes an adopted person having their own children with their spouse and raising a family. For myself, I am the child of an adoptee. My dad was adopted at birth and as such considers his adoptive mom his only mom. A a few years ago however, my dad was sent his birth certificate by a family member and saw his birth mother’s last name for the first time. Despite this, the only surname he’s ever known is his current name.
When your parent is an adoptee, it means there is another surname in the world floating around that could be attached to you. My biological grandparents could still be alive, despite my maternal and paternal (adopter) grandparents’ death. It’s a weird situation to deal with, especially when the adoptee doesn’t wish to pursue records. How do you trace your roots when your parents do not wish to, especially without hurting feelings? I’ve never seen my father’s birth certificate, and only know his biological surname was Techini through my mother. I’m not sure of the spelling, but you can imagine the hours I have searched for names sounding like that on Ancestry.com looking for answers.
My parents are still together, and my dad does not like to talk about adoption because he feels like it is a disservice to the woman that raised him. I can understand why he feels that way, but it makes me frustrated that there are histories that I can’t learn because my dad doesn’t want to find out. I don’t wish to meet my biological paternal grandparents, but I don’t even know my biological grandfather’s surname; that means that there’s 25% of my genetic history that’s unaccounted for. Techini (maternal) sounds Italian, but how can I know? And without my biological grandfather’s surname, I have absolutely no idea where he was from.
I’ve spent so much time looking myself over, trying to deduce what I could be. I have freckles only on my face thanks to my mother’s side of the family, yet I tan. I have green eyes, and hair that changes between auburn and dark brown. I have small lips length-wise but they’re decently wide- what does that tell me? Most of my weight is in my hips and my legs are short. What regions of the world have traditionally short legs? My hair is naturally wavy but straightens with heat without incidence so did my ancestors live somewhere warm?
I’ve spent so much time looking at my body and trying to find clues, but with 25% of my genetic makeup missing, any hints can be overshadowed by the 75% of me that I do know- Irish and Italian. I’ve pestered my mom to buy an Ancestry.com subscription and find out, but it always seems to happen in the future. Being 22 and still not sure what 100% of you are is hard. Not knowing due to your parents’ feelings makes finding out without hurting anyone only that much harder.