For the longest time, therapy was an unchecked box on a long list of things I knew I needed to do to take care of myself. It was something I always pushed off, even in times when I needed it most. It’s not like I was ever against therapy, I was actually a huge advocate for it. I always recommended that my friends and family struggling with their mental health reach out to a professional, but I could never bring myself to go. There were times when I got close to finally booking the appointment but found myself shutting my laptop and telling myself that scheduling that first appointment was something I could do at a later date.
This new year, however, something shifted. I realized that I graduate from college in only a few months and I didn’t want to leave college with the same amount of mental health care that I started with (which would be none). So after ten years of experiencing anxiety, I did what seemed impossible: I scheduled a consultation through the university’s counseling services.
Scheduling an appointment with a therapist was a catch 22. I was anxious so I knew that I needed help for my anxiety, but the thought of going to therapy made me anxious so I never went. When I finally broke free from the cycle and got the help I needed, I realized how much anxiety was impacting and controlling my life. This was a tough realization for me for many reasons. Specifically, the two feelings that were the most prominent were that I felt guilty that I hadn’t gotten help sooner and I was embarrassed that I had experiences from years ago that still affected my anxiety. All these emotions flooding to me was something I tried for years to avoid, but I finally realized after my first few sessions that they were necessary for healing. I didn’t need to feel guilty that I hadn’t gotten help sooner because I was getting it now. I didn’t need to feel embarrassed over experiences that still affected me from years ago because I was now re-learning how to deal and cope with those experiences.
For the first time in my life, I found ways to cope with how I was feeling without being self-destructive. I am not an expert on mental health by any means just because I’ve been to a therapist now, but I wish I could go back and let myself know that it’s not nearly as scary as it seems. That doesn’t mean therapy isn’t difficult, it really is. It’s difficult to navigate these almost inexplicable feelings. Yet, therapy taught me how to change my perspective on my feelings and how to approach these feelings with reasoning and compassion.
While therapy isn’t the cure for all your mental health issues (which is okay!), it can certainly help. It’s not easy to go to therapy, but it is rewarding. Take it from me, it’s never too late to get the help you deserve.
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