Ask David: Your Questions, Real Answers

Ever wish you had the inside look into what guys are REALLY thinking? Now you do! UMass’s own David Letters is here to answer your questions dishing everything you should know (although may not want to hear) about guys.

I met a guy at a bar a week ago. He said he was going to text me, but never
did. Should I text him?
 
First of all, you just met a guy at a bar and want to hold him to expectations kind of high from someone you essentially don’t know. Neither of you two have any real stock in a relationship where he would be expected to have text-responsibility placed on him?

That being said, the whole texting game is wide open. Texting can be easily misinterpreted with choice language and timing. Don’t even get me started on BBM’ing. No, you can’t have my pin; I’m not letting you stalk me via text. I digress.

I have more numbers in my phone from random times I told a girl I was going to text them than I’d like to admit. Your name may very well be “Katie-Bars.” Am I proud? No, but it is what it is. Girls, don’t take it personally, but most of the time I’ll leave your number in my phone planning on texting back. However, when I come to the sad realization that I’ve already forgotten your name and what we talked about, and if I’m not trying to hook up with you, your number is pretty much out of mind within a day or two. (If you’re getting the text back after a week, you’re a booty call, and probably not first on the list. If you’re cool with that, fine, but that’s a whole different matter.)

Still, don’t give up hope if you felt like you connected with the guy. Some guys are shy. It’s easier to simply respond than it is to break the ice with a random feeler text. When it comes down to it, if you want the guy to chase you, then you better leave a good enough impression and get him to work for you. It doesn’t take much for a “hey what’s up?” text to get the ball rolling. The worst thing you can do is hold text-negligence over a guy, because that is not only annoying, but also a quick and easy way to turn him off.
 
My boyfriend said he loves me, but I don’t feel the same. Should I say it back in order to spare his feelings, or tell him how I really feel?

Love is a four-letter word. If you’re not ready to say it, don’t. Assuming you and your boyfriend have a strong relationship, if he felt it was time to drop the L-bomb and the feeling’s not mutual, of course its going to hurt him. However, it will hurt a whole lot more to be lied to about being loved. Where it’s better to have loved and lost than never loved at all is true, the statement is incomplete. They left out the part where you lie about it and rip hearts out. That’s no fun for anyone. Unless he professes his love for you with some grandiose gesture leaving you in a situation that you are pretty much stuck, don’t lie about it. There will be plenty of time to talk it out. As a part of a successful relationship, having good communication is key. If anything, you should be brought closer by the realization of how serious his feelings are, and if he cannot accept you for not loving him (yet?) then you might have to take a closer look at just what it is you’re looking for.

 I have been hooking up with the same guy for a few months now. I want to ask him what we are, but don’t know how. How can I ask him without seeming too clingy?

It all depends on what you want to be with him. If you’re looking for a boyfriend out of it and you like the guy, step your game up and make the move. If things are good for a few months, and he doesn’t want to change it, there is nothing forcing his hand. When a guy has something working well, or a girl for that matter, the logical person will not mess with the formula. Make it work for you until it fails you.
 If you are worried that he wants something more, it can be a letdown on both sides. You need to be upfront. Being upfront with these kinds of relationship is the best policy. When there is some sort of agreement from the beginning, it takes the guesswork out of it, reducing drama, stress, and that awkward moment at a party when you see each other and realize you are clearly on different terms. ?Though being viewed as clingy is a tough stigma to break, putting someone on the spot can, in effect; neutralize the “cling factor”. Pose the question well so you don’t sound pushy. If you are straight with him, he should respect that, and if he’s as real guy, he should be honest with his response. Listen to his answer and take it from there.

Have a question for David? Email us at StefanieLindenbaum@HerCampus.com or roisinoflaherty@HerCampus.com!