8,257,156,927. Apparently, that’s how many people there are on Earth. 31,000+. And apparently, that’s how many people I go to school with. So then why is it so easy to feel like there’s no one around you? And why is that so hard to deal with?
When entering 2025, I made a pact with myself. In this case, “made a pact” directly translates to I made a vision board on Pinterest. After getting into my regular spring semester schedule, I could slowly feel myself start being way more comfortable in my own skin, and I think this was a direct result of going to the gym and having it on my list of priorities. I believe this boost in confidence had a big impact on me being able to enjoy this time alone. One other thing I would say was genuinely such a crucial piece to this is a concept I heard from Jay Shetty on his podcast, On Purpose with Jay Shetty. When we preface any ideas, opinions, or thoughts with phrases like “I’m not sure but…”, “I could be wrong…”, or “this might be a stupid question…”, we put the idea that it could be a stupid question, or we could be wrong, into people’s brains. Even if the idea or question we were proposing was genuinely really good, the thought that it might not be is already in everyone’s minds. This is important because we unintentionally teach people to doubt us before they’ve even had the chance to consider what we’re saying. Changing this about my daily speech internally helped me present myself with more confidence in what I had to say.
So as far as the first step goes, I think a little ounce of confidence, bravery, courage, belief—call it what you want—will help you be by yourself without feeling like you’re by yourself. Some of the first things I started to do were having mindful meals when eating alone. Although most of the time I would get meals with friends, whenever I did eat by myself, I started to put away my distractions one by one. First, I started by replacing my TV show with just music, and then music with a book, and eventually I found myself being comfortable eating by just focusing on my food and my surroundings.
I think one of the biggest realizations I had during this time was the fact that whenever I would be alone, or feel alone, or it looked like I was alone, I would immediately just go on my phone. Yes, this was in part to distract myself, but it was also to seem like I had stuff to do, had people to talk to, etc. This realization and acceptance helped me grow comfortable with observing my surroundings, smiling at strangers, and taking time to notice the little things. My fear of being “awkward” quickly resolved itself as my confidence in simply existing as myself finally began to outweigh my fear of being judged.
Some other things I started to do were go to places where I would normally never go without others, all alone. This includes studying at cafes downtown and attending cultural events to taking a plane by myself for the first time this past summer. Of course, in hindsight, navigating the airport by myself was actually really simple and even easier than taking the PVTA buses. But in that moment, it felt as though I was doing something really huge for myself. Walking through that airport alone, going through check-in alone, was something I would say defined the eldest daughter in me. After that midway through the year experience, the rest of 2025 was different. I never again doubted my presence and ability to show up anywhere by myself. I felt way more comfortable showing up alone, sitting, and simply enjoying the moment.
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