My parents never hid the fact that I was adopted. For as long as I can remember, I knew I was born in China, and that my older brother was my parents’ biological kid. I’m very fortunate to have such a loving family that truly wanted me in their lives from the very beginning. It wasn’t until later that I discovered the circumstances under which I was adopted. Learning this fact has definitely affected how I perceive myself within my family.
Starting in 1979, China implemented a strict “One Child Policy” to curb the looming overpopulation. In the 1982 Chinese census, it was reported that there were 1 billion people and that number was projected to grow to 1.4 billion by the end of the century. By implementing this, the Chinese government aimed to increase the quality of life for the younger generation because there were more opportunities for them to go to university. Additionally, this measure stimulated economic growth after the exhaustion of resources, both natural and consumer, that the overpopulation issue had created.
However, an unintended consequence of this policy was the favoritism shown towards having sons. It is very common in many Asian cultures for kids to take care of their parents when they become older. As a result, many families would aim to have sons because they were seen as more capable of being a caretaker long term. Many Chinese girls were either aborted or put up for adoption, like myself.
Growing up as an international adoptee has been a unique experience. I never really viewed my family dynamic as different from anyone else until people started to point out the incongruences of our appearances. Once I got older, I became more aware of it when we started doing projects on our family lineages, and I didn’t have a straightforward answer like everyone else. I would say for many girls in the same situation as myself, this is a fairly common childhood experience.
In addition to this feeling of being an outsider, the concept of having my biological parents be somewhere out there in the world has stuck with me. So many people ask me, “Do you want to meet your birth parents?” and I never know what to say. On the one hand, it would be interesting to meet the people who I take after visually and find out if I have other siblings as well. On the other hand, I have to really ask myself if I’d be okay with meeting the people that essentially abandoned me. Of course, I don’t know the full scope of the situation of why they put me up for adoption but one can draw conclusions from what was happening in China during the time I was born. It has taken myself many years to cope with the differences in my life but I’ve grown to truly appreciate how great my life has been.
I have many adopted friends who feel this way as well. We’re all grateful to live the lives we’ve been given, but it’s difficult not to think about what could’ve been. The One Child Policy changed the course of many Chinese girls’ lives. In a way, I feel like China lost out on the potential of so many of their lost girls and what they could’ve brought to the table. Not every Chinese adopted person has had the same feelings and experiences as I have, but what unites all of us is the undeniable connection we still have towards China. At this point, I can say confidently that I would not trade the life I have currently for anything in the world, and nothing will change my mind on that.
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