Once you’ve become a seasoned bar hopper in Amherst, you begin to have different experiences at the bar due to multiple factors such as how far into the semester you are, what day of the week it is, who you’re with, and whether or not you got your bi-weekly paycheck (looking at you, UMass…). The first experience at the bar easily occurs at the beginning of the semester after you’ve moved in, retreated from the watchful eyes of your parents and have reunited with your posse. This of course is the magical time of the beginning school year we all lovingly call…
1. Syllabus Week
That glorious time of year where that first week’s homework is to do mundane tasks like “read the syllabus”. Or I could just read it at the bar. That’s still reading, right? Okay, maybe the syllabus didn’t make it to the bar but I definitely considered it and for that, syllabus week will always have a special place in my heart.
2. Weekday Outings
Not too long into the semester, it becomes more acceptable to go on random nights instead of or in addition to the trustworthy Thursday-Saturday. I mean what do you expect a girl to do when multiple bars offer a karaoke night on Tuesdays? Or the build your own Bloody Marys on Sundays or $5 burgers and beers on Wednesdays. Point is, you are an adult and the adult version of choosing to eat dessert before dinner means going to the bar on Sundays-Wednesdays if you please. Although I would recommend also eating dessert before dinner sometimes just to shake things up.
Plus, this year UMass and the Amherst community finally got to experience a long-overdue UMass tradition…
3. Homecoming Weekend
This was when friends, alumni and various others from all over Massachusetts gathered together and hit the bars as soon as possible for the entire weekend. It was magical! Except for the part where every bar in town had lines down the street. But if you were lucky enough to make it into a bar there was pseudo-school spirit.
4. Midterm Week(s)
Eventually a few weeks in, you and your friends have developed a near fool-proof plan between pre-gaming time, bus time, bar time, Antonio’s time, and bus-back-home time. Everything seems set and you’ve adjusted to getting hit on at the bar and running into friends. Life is good. However, danger lies ahead, and that danger is midterms.
Suddenly everyone is buying pitchers and tons of shots at the bar. There are bathroom lines as far as the eye can see, drunk cat fights at Lit, and blood, sweat, and tears run in the streets. Basically, the bar scene in Amherst has become a free-for-all. And no one is safe.
5. Payday!
After we’ve all finally survived the hell that is October, most likely by now you’ve blown through your summer savings of money and, if you’re lucky, have secured some job at UMass. Some of you are lucky enough to get a job in the cluster office or as an RA, but others like myself are seniors working at Pita Pit. Not always fun, but it brings money and really that’s all you need. Here’s the problem though, you’ve run out of summer cash and now you’re waiting for your bi-monthly paycheck. So some weekends you’re rolling in the (deep) dough because it’s payday.
And other weeks are more like…
6. Anti-Payday
After you blow your paycheck between gas, groceries and your bar (pizza) tab then that awkward weekend between each paycheck becomes anti-payday.
7. Pre-Thanksgiving Time
The chronological next step in the semester comes in November when we all have our routines back in order after getting crushed by midterms. Then we start to realize that after returning from Thanksgiving it will basically be the Time-That-Shall-Not-Be-Named. So, of course, the weekend before Thanksgiving, there is new life in going into the bars and enjoying yourself while you can. However, a dangerous time lies just around the corner.
8. Finals Week
Ah finals week, we meet again. Everyone knows it has to come eventually and yet it always seems scarier and more stressful than the last time. All-nighters, lack of showers, a diet consisting entirely of snack food, crying, writing, and studying until you await death with open arms. You’ve become a shell of a person, and you embed yourself in the closet-sized rooms of the 7th floor of the library when your friend texts you for a study break. A study break that convienently takes place at a bar. The time here doesn’t even matter. It could be 11am, 3pm, 7pm, 10pm, or midnight. Once again: the time does not matter.
All that matters is your emotional health. And your emotional health needs a drink. Plus, you’re totally sure you read somewhere that drinking improves your memory when studying! Okay, maybe that was gum or something, but drinking definitely must do something good, right? At the very least you win over yourself with the mental argument of “yolo” and run to the nearest bar. The venue doesn’t even matter, it could be Route 9 diner for all you care (not a bad option during finals week though). Point is, you’re an upperclassman who can legally consume an alcoholic beverage no matter the time of day and you need to take advantage of this. So you rally your friends with some speech about grabbing life by the horns, and like the legend you are you go to the bars the night before your final.