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8 Signs You Are a Female Driver

1. Snap & Drive

The Snap and Drive applies to all types of selfies behind the wheel. Guilty as charged: I do it, too. Perhaps you’re having an exceptional hair day or the shades you’re wearing scream “I’m trendy.” Whatever the reason, a solid 85% of the snap stories I receive (and send) consist of driver seat selfies. Boys, you aren’t excluded from this one. Honestly? Sometimes you’re worse!

2. The Solo Act

Any other girls out there turn a car ride into their own version of a Beyoncé and Jay-Z Grammy performance? I can’t tell you how often I tell myself I was born to perform, God just forgot to give me the talent. Turn the music up loud enough to drown out your voice and have at it. Break out whatever dance moves are permitted behind the wheel and give absolutely no regard to drivers nearby. Yup, sounds about right.

3. Knees Only

This one goes out to my roommate who left me for Australia this semester. She takes driving “knees only” to a completely new and terrifying level. Ladies, we have a tendency of doing this because the whole 10 and 2 rules don’t allow for any sort of multitasking (doing make up, fixing our hair, talking on the phone). If we can’t multitask then we actually have to manage our time better. Let’s be honest, that just isn’t going to happen.

4. Fine Dining

So about that lack of time management…

Is that why we seem to think eating an entire entrée en route to a night class is acceptable? And it just so happens that the foods we choose to eat in the car are the messiest choices of all. Everything bagel? Check. Chocolate chip muffin? Check. Two slices of cheese pizza? Double check.

5. Musical High

I become so invested in a song that it takes me a minute to realize I’m driving 95 miles an hour on the high way. It’s like my brain takes a rain check and my lead foot takes over. I’m waiting for the day I have to plead my case to the cop that pulls me over. “Please, sir, you have to believe me. The musical high took over my body.”

6. Hypothetical Conversations

So, you’re about to have a heated conversation with your boyfriend or best friend. You’ve rehearsed what you’re going to say over and over in your head. The car is the perfect time and place to practice the execution. Now that many stereo systems can connect with your phone and throw it on speaker, you don’t even look like a complete psychopath talking to yourself! If you ever see me yelling and using extreme hand gestures to “make a point,” you can almost be sure I’m talking to myself.

7. Smoke Radar

Sure, this thing is always on. But, the intensity increases when it’s 75, windows down, and you’re cruising on the high way. Nothing distracts me more than a black Jeep Wrangler and a smoke in Ray Bans. Or how about a shirtless cowboy on the way to Country Fest? I mean… how exactly am I expected to keep my eyes on the road in situations like that? I always wonder when the day will come that I rear-end someone because I was busy checking out the driver next to me.

8. The Check Out

The worst is when you find yourself involved in a near-death experience because you’re busy checking yourself out. We’ve all been there. On our way to an interview, a date, or somewhere you need to be somewhat presentable.  The rear-view mirror comes in real handy and I think we’re all guilty of starting a little too long. “Sorry for ruining the backend of your car ma’am, I was making sure I looked good.”

Whatever your driving habits may be Collegiettes – make sure you’re trying to drive safely!

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Molly Shriver

U Mass Amherst

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