This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at U Mass Amherst chapter.
We all have that one guy that always seems to creep his way back into our life no matter how hard we try to keep him out. For some, we may know this is not the right guy for us in the long run, and yet there we are texting him, or planning a lunch date to “talk and catch up.” Sound familiar? Well, don’t worry because we all deal with this reoccurring issue and majority of us are constantly asking in exasperation, why?! Why do I succumb so quickly to myself but more importantly, him? Before you jump too quickly into the most common justification, “I must be dumb” here’s a little insight into the power of an ex.
- Because they’re hot: Let’s face it, you dated them for a reason right? So you must be pretty attracted to them and hopefully the sex was equally as hot as you thought they were. If the whole, one-night-stand thing doesn’t appeal to you, then how are you going to get your fix? This is where the ex comes in. It’s guaranteed good sex and since they aren’t a random person your “number” stays little.
- Because as soon as we get over them, they text us. Have you ever felt like they must have a sixth sense of knowing when we’re finally letting go? It seems like as soon as you feel like you’re going to be okay without them, they text you and all of those unsettling feelings come rushing back. Or maybe, you’ve finally taken the first step of going on a date with someone else and halfway through you check your phone to find the infamous “I miss you” text. We try to ignore it but sometimes it’s inevitable that it’ll ruin the rest of the evening.
- Because it’s comfortable: Going back to an ex is like cuddling up to our favorite childhood teddy bear. It’s familiar, almost safe in a way. They know us better than we know ourselves sometimes. There are no introductions, it’s just easy.
- Because we think they’ll change: Everyone breaks up for a reason, those reasons being that our ex either a) did not know how to be in a relationship or b) must be crazy. That being said, every girl wants to be the one that can change him or at least, be the reason for the changes. If you’re going to tread back into these waters, you might as well walk off a plank into sharks. People only change if they want to, and a little tip ladies: most men don’t want to.
- Because we remember the good times over the bad: Classic memory mistake. Us optimistic people especially, are programmed to see the good over the bad. I mean, who would want to remember all the fighting and bad times when you can remember the fun and happy memories? It’s much easier to justify why you stayed with someone for so long when the good memories have a front row seat in your mind.
- Because we think they’re with someone else: I’m sure we’ve all used the logic “Well, I’d rather him be with me than someone else.” This is also known as jealously, but in a twisted. No one wants to see their ex with a new girl on their arm, but as long as you’re by his side, there’s no room for the replacement you. Evil or genius?
- Because it’s convenient: Similar to some of the reasons above, our ex’s are usually convenient. Being college students, many of our ex’s are from our hometown, and what’s more convenient than home? Long weekends, Thanksgiving, five weeks of winter break all just sitting at home knowing your ex is most likely only a couple miles away, sometimes even closer. Not to mention the extremely high chance of seeing them out at a party if you are in the same circle of friends.
- Because we compare them to everyone else: This is the most deadly reason why we seem to always end up back in the arms of our ex. Ever find yourself on that first date dissecting every little thing about the new guy? “He’s not as cute” or “he didn’t make me laugh as much” or even “he didn’t know what I was going to order.” Well these are all things that come with time. Many women (and even men) get scared that they aren’t going to find another person they loved as much as their ex or as much as their ex loved them. This isn’t a reason to run backwards through time because at one point your ex was the “new guy.”