A body count, which is the number of sexual partners a person has had (not to be confused with the body count you would hear about on your favorite true-crime show), is just an arbitrary and socially constructed way to make people, specifically women, feel guilty or generally bad about having sex. Everyone has the autonomy to have sex with whomever they want and whenever they want, with consent of course. You should not feel even a little bit bad about that, and I’m gonna tell you why. Sexual liberation is cool, and consent is hot!
- Bodily Autonomy!
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Bodily autonomy refers to a person’s right to govern what happens to their body. So since everyone has it, you can do whatever you want because you are the only one that owns your body. What you do with it is your business. This a part of sexual liberation, a phrase derived from a movement back in the 60s. The movement was created to remove the guilt or judgment that comes with freely meeting sexual needs. You can be sexually liberated while maintaining your privacy and boundaries. Whether or not you’re going to have sex, with whom, when, and who you want to tell about it (within their boundaries too) is all up to you.
- Men are not shamed for their high body counts
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The stigma around high body counts creates a double standard. Men are usually praised for their sexual activity and being sexual beings from a very young age (heteronormatively), whereas women are shamed for it. Along with this, there is a lot of pressure amongst men to have a lot of sex, which is also a problem. A person’s body count and amount of sexual activity should be a neutral subject — neither good nor bad — to help us have a healthy view of ourselves as sexual beings.
- Please don’t let anyone tell you your vagina gets stretched out
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Jesus. If I have to hear one more guy “mansplain” to me how a woman’s vagina stretches out if she has too much sex, I’m gonna scream. It will never be “like a hotdog being thrown down a hallway.” This is a myth; a vagina is a badass b*tch and can pretty much stretch and shrink back to its normal size. It is made to do just that. This notion is just used as a way to slut-shame women and people with vaginas. Don’t believe it. Don’t be afraid of it. And I’m tired of hearing it.
- It doesn’t mean you have an STD
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This is something a little more serious. It is true that the more people you have sex with, the greater the risk for STDs. But your sexual health is nothing to be ashamed of. Your sexual health is not determined by your body count — it is determined by an STD test. Instead of asking someone for their body count, ask them when the last time they got tested was and if they commonly use protection. A person’s body count does not determine whether or not they have an STD. To keep up with your sexual health, be sure to get tested often and use protection! We love safe sex!
- It doesn’t define you or your worth
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It literally doesn’t change you. At all. Having sex is just a new experience like anything else. If you choose to have sex or not, both choices are sexually liberating, and neither choice should feel shameful, not even a little. Society is set up to make you feel like this, so it is a completely valid feeling. However, you are the only person that can define your self-worth — I definitely learned this way too late in life. Your sex life doesn’t mean anything in the grand scheme of things, as long as your having fun, safe, and consensual sexual experiences, think of them as just that, experiences.
Mind your damn business! I’ve said it a hundred times and I’ll say again, you can do whatever you want with your own body. Please don’t listen to anyone who is trying to shame you for having sex or not having sex, it’s not worth it. Remind yourself that sex should be pleasurable and fun! And again, consent is hot.