You walk into any Halloween shop and you are bound to see historical costumes. Most of them you will recognize no matter how much history you’ve taken. But what you’re really recognizing are sexualized caricatures of the way people really dressed. Find out what the designers got wrong and then see how to accurately improve the costume.
1. Pirates
You see…
But in actuality…
First of all, piracy wasn’t generally a female activity and the women who did participate in plundering on the high seas usually dressed as men. And these women were not dainty and romanticized either. They were ferocious. Famous pirate Anne Bonny reportedly told her lover before his execution that “Had you fought like a man, you need not have been hang’d like a dog.” Um…ouch.
So ladies, if you’re going to be a pirate at least rock the pants because there’s no way these women would ever have been caught dead in skirts.
2. Greek Goddesses
You see…
But in actuality…
Greek goddesses were not passive and serene beings. They were some seriously powerful deities. These ladies once got into a fight over who was the prettiest and essentially started the Trojan War. This particular costume is meant to depict Athena who was the goddess of wisdom, courage, justice, law, the arts, math, and warfare. That’s like having seven majors and being an expert in all of them, not to mention temples in your honor and cities dedicated to you.
If you’re going to try the Grecian goddess look put on your war paint and grab some fake weapons because these goddesses don’t just look pretty.
3. Saloon Madams
You see…
But in actuality…
Technically speaking the “madam” was the woman who ran the brothel and the girls were the women who “worked” for her. What this costume doesn’t depict is that these “madams” were often older women who had spent their earlier years “paying their dues.” Worse still, these costumes make saloon life seem glamorous and sexy when in reality it wasn’t. Don’t believe me? The madam pictured above was called “Squirrel Tooth Alice” and I didn’t even show you “Madame Mustache.”
Ultimately my only advice to you is to not be a saloon madam or girl.
4. Queen Elizabeth I
You see…
But in actuality…
Queen Elizabeth ruled for forty-five years, her reign was known as a ‘golden period’ of English history, and she refused multiple marriage proposals in order to be “married” to her country. Did I mention she was also a major style icon known for her elaborate outfits that were decorated with diamonds? This Queen Elizabeth costume is so plain it looks like something reserved for one of her ladies in waiting.
In order to really do this costume justice you have to commit to going over the top with tons of jewelry and a bedazzled updo.
In the scheme of things, historically inaccurate Halloween costumes aren’t a big deal – but it does make me curious. How do you think history will remember us?