Think back to senior year of high school. All those senior perks, the super stressful college application process, and …. the college visits. Visiting colleges and going campus tours were always so exciting, yet nerve-wracking. “Can I see myself here,” “is the food good,” “what is the school size,” “what are the dorms like,” “are there sport teams,” “is there Greek life” are all basic questions one might hear on any tour. Yet, as a tour guide myself, I must point out that there are some very funny questions we get asked by students visiting UMass. With the help of the other UMass tour guides, I’ve compiled a list of funny questions we get asked on tour for your pure enjoyment:
1. “Do you, you know, actually have to go to class?”
2. “Why are there so many squirrels?”
3. “If the food is as good as you say, why aren’t you a million pounds…?”
4. “Do people swim in the campus pond?”
5. “Is this water from the campus pond?”
*Points to UMass water bottle*
6. “Do you have a curfew? What is it?”
7. “Do you have underground tunnels connecting all the building for the cold?”
8. “Do you sleep?”
No. No I do not.
9. “Okay what do you seriously do for fun?”
After telling them practically every event that has gone on around campus for the past month.
10. “How many bricks make up the library?”
Um, let me just count…
11. “Why don’t you mention how the bricks used to fall out of the library?”
12. “What type of geese are in the campus pond?”
13. “Can people have firearms in their rooms?”
14. “Is there a nail salon on campus?”
15. “Are students allowed to leave campus on the weekends?”
16. “Is there wifi IN the campus pond?”
Um…
17. “Why aren’t you in North Amherst right now, I heard they are throwing down…”
Son on tour with parents right next to him, at 1pm on a Wednesday.
18. “Do you think my son would get laid in college?”
… Speechless…
19. “Does my son look like a stoner or a businessman to you?”
20. “There are people that clean the bathrooms for the suites right?”
21. “Is it true that the 5 colleges are based after Scooby Doo and the Gang?”
22. “So why is Sam the Minuteman’s name Sam?”
23. “Can I get your number? So we can talk about UMass some more…”
These are just a few of the many, many questions we get on tour. Being a UMass tour guide is probably one of the greatest jobs ever. We all love answering questions, especially the funny ones! (Even if it does leave us tongue-tied for a second.)
Special thanks to all the tour guides who gave their input!
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