Your mom needs help navigating her brand new iPhone 4, your dad refers to tablets as “oversized smart phones,” and your grandma has yet to master T9Word. The generations before us, though wise and all-knowing, have nothing on technology and lucky for us, we get to hear all about it.
1. You’ve become the “technical expert” in your household. You’re called upon to unfreeze computers and adjust the recent Daylight Savings Time change.
2. You don’t dare do anything on your parents’ phone or computer without giving explicit instruction and walking them through it. They need to “learn.”
3. Some commonly asked questions: “What’s this button for?” “How do I add a contact?” “How did you get there?”
4. Your mom has no idea what emojis are, but she wants them.
5. Your mom already forgets how to use those “little guys” (emojis).
6. When using the Maps or Safari app, they somehow manage to find themselves just south of nowhere saying, “Where am I? How did I get here? Get me back!”
7. I’ve heard a charger referred to as a “plugger inner.”
8. Our microwave is 30 years old. Older than me. We’re only slightly behind on the times.
9. They think the speed of any Dell product is fast.
10. Your dad still provides you with a smorgasbord of 2’x2′ ripped paper maps for your road trip.
11. I’m not even sure my grandpa owns a cell phone.
12. My mother putting music on her “Creative Zen” (mp3 player) is at least a 6-step process, which, by the way, randomly begins playing Earth, Wind & Fire aloud while it charges.
13. They tap violently on iPad apps like it’s a game of Simon.
14. Your mom is late on about four iPhone software updates.
15. Scrolling is like spinning the Wheel of Fortune. Where will it land, nobody knows?
16. They tend to comment on the absolute most vulgar Facebook posts with completely unrelated comments.
17. They refuse to use the self-checkout line. “That’s what cashiers are for! Back in my day, we had one supermarket with one cashier…”
18. They never seem to master putting their cell phone completely on silent.
19. They refuse to let you change the computer background in fear you’ll somehow acquire a virus in the process.
20. Every text is read out loud, as if it were a sort of declaration of success, and as they read, they hold the phone as far away from their face as possible.
21. They never actually answer or bring their phone anywhere. But every time you don’t answer, you’re either dead or you’ll be dead when you get home.
And don’t even get me started on Twitter.