20 years old came in the blink of an eye. Seriously, it seems like I was just entering middle school yesterday and here I am nearly ten years later, two semesters away from graduating college. I remember the excitement of sixth grade – new friends, new school, more freedom with my clothing and makeup, and tons and tons of cute boys.
I can’t say it’s been an easy one, this journey to adulthood. Getting older comes with a price; every year comes with lost friendships, broken hearts, tough rejections and lessons that aren’t sugar-coated or easy to swallow. It’s almost laughable, how naive you are as a pre-teen. Life isn’t what they paint it out to be in the television, in music, in movies and books. People deserve to know what matters most in life – and they deserve to hear it straight from the people who were in the same position years ago. My parents taught me a whole lot about being an adult, but these are the things I figured out on my own time.
Be yourself – not who everyone else wants you to be.
I spent a good two years of middle school pretending to be someone I wasn’t. I was mean, shallow, self-obsessed and sometimes cruel to those around me. The thing I wanted most out of middle school was for people to envy me. What I should have wanted – what everyone should want – is for people to respect you. And people will respect you if you stay true to yourself. Don’t waste your time trying to mold yourself into what you think everyone else wants you to be. Be yourself. If that isn’t enough for everyone else – well, that’s their loss.
Keep an Open Mind.
I learned this towards the end of my teenage years. Not everyone is raised with the same mindset, values, morals and beliefs as you. That sounds obvious, but it’s a fact that a lot of people tend to forget. Everyone around you has been through personal struggles that have influenced the way they look at life. Keep in mind before you judge someone that what’s going on behind closed doors could be more of a painful obstacle than you could ever imagine. Hear people out, listen to their opinions. You don’t have to agree, but you do have to give them the opportunity to explain their side of things.
Be thankful for every single person that loves you.
These people, no matter how small a role they play in your life, have ultimately shaped you into the person you are today. Be thankful for that – without these people and your experiences with them, you would be a blank slate. Let the people you love know how much you adore and appreciate them. I try to say thank you as often as I can to my parents, but I know I should say it more. For me, I wouldn’t have survived a day on Earth without these two. Life is too short to not remind people how much you love them.
Brush off your haters.
You know how Miley Cyrus sings “Forget the haters, ’cause somebody loves ya?” In the midst of all the controversy Miley brings to the table, she really does have a point here. You’ll come across multiple people who won’t like you for some specific reason. Should you let that stop you? No. Brush them off; have confidence in who you are and the actions you take. You will face tons of haters in your life. The sooner you forget about them, the sooner you can move on.
Most friendships really aren’t forever, but the ones who have always been there are worth it.
From elementary school to college, I have had ten different groups of girls that I considered my best friends. People change all the time. Don’t take it personally. Someone you’re friends with this year might not be there in a few years. Appreciate the ones who are. It happens to everyone: most of the time, you’re not being a bad friend, and neither are they. You’re just growing up. So is everyone else.
It’s okay to only focus on yourself sometimes.
Last year, I saw someone make a mistake and have all her friends ostracize her for it. I couldn’t believe than an issue between her and one other person would end up affecting her relationships with multiple people. Over and over again, I thought, wouldn’t everyone be happier if they just worried about themselves? Now that the issue has passed, I realize that I was totally right. Sometimes, it’s okay to be completely and utterly selfish and put your feelings and your happiness above everything else – it’s okay to act on impulse to make yourself happy and deal with the consequences later. Once in a while, you have the right to disengage yourself from everyone else’s drama and put your full attention on bettering yourself. Your personal happiness matters.
Give back.
You should try to help people as much as you can. Whether that’s giving a homeless person a few dollars, giving up your seat to an elderly person on the bus, or holding the door for someone with their hands full, you should try to brighten someone’s day at least once a day. Give back as often as you can. You never know whose day you might turn around, just by simply offering a smile and a bit of conversation.
Always say thank you.
It’s common courtesy. It lets other people know you appreciate what they’re doing for you, be it bagging your groceries or lending you cash because you’ve forgotten your wallet. It’s important, it’s nice, and it’s polite. Most people don’t notice when you do say thank you, but they certainly notice when you don’t.
Grudges waste too much time and energy.
I’ve had plenty of people lie straight to my face about things they’ve done that have hurt me. And I’ve held grudges for months, years even. One day, I started to question myself. Unless it’s seriously harming you or the people you care about – and I mean seriously harming, something that can affect your life in a very grave way – it’s dumb to hold things against people. Just forgive. You don’t have to forget and you don’t have to be their friend, but you can always forgive. It gets the weight off your shoulders, and it doesn’t make social situations awkward. Once I started to forgive those who have hurt me, I started to become a happier person.
The first person you fall in love with (usually) won’t be the last.
I dated the same boy for most of high school. I went to my first year of college still dating that same boyfriend. Then we broke up. Guess what? He isn’t my one true love; he isn’t the only person I will ever love. Being in a good relationship takes effort from both sides – you don’t have to put in 100% if he’s not even putting in 50%. Break ups are awful. You think your world is ending. A few years later, this boy is so far in the back of my mind that sometimes I forget we were even together. Take your time to mourn failed relationships. You’re entitled to bouts of crying, binge eating junk food and listening to sad songs. That’s your own right. But, pick yourself back up again and realize that there are a lot of people out there who would be honored to love you. Those are the people worth fighting for and worth loving – not the ones that hurt you.
Work hard to achieve your goals – you owe yourself that.
Be ambitious. Go for the extra credit points. Introduce yourself to your professor and make it a point that they remember your name. Go out there and be someone great. You don’t go through years of schooling for nothing. Whatever path you take, make sure you give it your all. You owe yourself the chance for the world to see how amazing you are.
Life will, at times, disappoint you.
Bad things happen to good people all the time. I lost the nicest friend I had ever had to cancer a year ago. I wondered why someone horrible couldn’t have taken her place. Life isn’t easy, and it never claimed to be. You’ll find yourself questioning why things are the way they are all the time. You’re allowed to be sad, to be curious, to be angry at the world. No matter how bad it gets, always look for the silver lining.
Never look back.
Every choice you made has led you to where you are now. Every word you said, action you took, emotion you felt – that’s all in the past now. It’s irreversible. You can’t change what’s already happened. But you can fix it, and you can make sure that the mistakes you made in the past never happen again. Life is all about learning. The steps you take today will affect your life every day until you’re gone. Never look back, because looking back is meaningless regret. Be proud of who you are, and believe in yourself. The past is simply that: the past. Look forward with a smile to a bright, crazily beautiful future. The world is yours, Collegiettes.
Photo Sources: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14.