We’ve all been in situations where we may not be big fans of our friend’s boyfriend or girlfriend. But how do you deal with these issues when you feel like you’re friend isn’t in a healthy relationship? When most people think of abusive relationships, they automatically think of physical violence. However, it doesn’t always have to be physical to be abuse. A few examples of unsafe relationships are drug or alcohol use, controlling behaviors, name calling, encouraging others to slack off at school or work, and of course, physical abuse.
So how do you confront a friend about this dangerous behavior? Here are some tips from http://friendship.about.com/od/Conflicts_With_Friends/f/I-Hate-Who-My-Friend-Is-Dating.htm
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Use Facts and not opinions. For exmple, “I’ve noticed this…” rather than “It seems like…”
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Use a concerned tone. Make sure that you allow your friend to comment and explain things that might raise some concern to you. Make sure that your friends know that you are there for them and just want them to be happy.
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Finally, make sure you confront them in the right place and at the right time. For example, don’t do it in a busy, public place or at a party when you both have been drinking. Also, do it when they have enough time to talk about the issue, and not when they are running out the door because they’re late for class. You want to make sure that your friend has enough to think about the information and doesn’t feel attacked.
After you have confronted your friend, let it be. You need to allow your friend to make her own decision. Pushing her to end the relationship is only going to burden your friendship and potentially cause resentment. However, following the advice above opens up the door of communication if your friend needs to talk to you about the relationship, but also allows them to make their own decisions.
There are also plenty of resources on campus at UMaine. Don’t be afraid to use them.