50 Shades of…What the ???
I do not understand what all the fuss is about an emotionally abusive thirty year-old who makes a self-conscious girl his submissive, but women from all over are raving about it.
When I first heard about the novel, I was excited to read it. I thought, a sexual book that’s popular? Woahh! and I got my hands on that paperback in a matter of hours. Once I started reading it though, I became a bit confused. It starts off describing the life of Anastasia Steele, who meets Christian Grey when she is interviewing him for her friend, and, before they even have a sexual encounter, he does one questionable thing after another:
1. He tells her that he is dangerous and messed up.
2. He stalks her a little and sends her books.
3. He makes her eat, all the time, to “build up her energy”.
4. He gets creepily jealous when she’s with her friends.
5. And, last, but certainly not least, he gives her a tour of his Red Room of Pain.
Now, I don’t know about you girls, but I questioned why some red flags weren’t going up in Miss Steele’s head. I couldn’t figure out why she was accepting all of these creepy things in exchange for a pretty face. And then I wondered, is something wrong with me that I don’t think the idea of a stalker who owns a Red Room of Pain is hot? But then I got rational and said, no, there’s no way.
I realized, there must be something I’m missing…there must be some appeal I’m not getting… so I did some research on some of the reasons why this novel is “sexy” and this is what I found:
Stage One (It Gets You In the Mood)
This stage of the research occurred without my preparation or request. I would almost venture to say that this was the most baffling part about my adventure with Anastasia and Christian. It took place across from where I was sitting in the airport lobby. There was a middle-aged woman reading 50 Shades with her husband who expressed their interest in the book by stroking one another’s legs. This was the point in which I looked down at my book and wondered whether or not I had skipped over the best part of the book or something, but I now realize what was going on. 50 Shades of Grey is just the introduction to erotic novels for couples and, what better way to get in the mood, than reading about a guy who is smacking you so hard with a toy that you can’t sit down?
Stage Two (Cool Sex Toys)
My friends notified me of the new sex toys that 50 Shades is making popular early in the summer of 2012. They explained to me that these toys liven up sex and that they are all the rage at novelty toy parties. Some examples of these toys include: the riding crop, kegal balls, and the blindfold. Why not try out the sexy scene yourself and spend seventy-five dollars on a Red Rear of Pain?
And finally, Stage 3 (Books 2 and 3)
… the argument that I hear most often goes something like, “You’ve only read the first book. It gets better as the series goes on; it’s less mean and more sexy.” I’m sorry, but…no. If a relationship starts off sour, it doesn’t get better, especially when your relationship undermines everything women have worked for since Alice Paul organized the Women’s Suffrage Movement.
To conclude my research I tried to help E.L James with some future titles for the books as they become more romantic:
1. 50 Shades of Emotional Abuse Improving
2. 50 Shades of Almost Cray
3. 50 Shades of I Can Now Sit Down
and, last but not least, 50 Shades of Relationship Therapy.