Not Knowing Who You Are

Thanksgiving break has come to an end and we survived the terrible conversations about what we are studying and how school is going. Why are you going to school? What is your major? So, what do you want to be? It seems as though we have the answered ingrained into our brains, ready to respond at the drop of a hat. There are some questions I don't think anyone ever asks us, like what we care about, and what makes us happy.. Who do we want to be?

So, take a breath, it is okay to not know what you are doing and who you want to be. During my time at school I have experienced so many drastic changes. I’ve had my heart broken, mended, then broken again. I have experienced tremendous grief and substantial loss.

College has forced me to come out of my shell and has catapulted me into a substantially different world. I came into the University of Maine with an extremely judgmental mentality. I looked down on people that did not share my personal beliefs and opinions. Over my time at school I have become the type of person I never thought I’d be. I go out with my friends on a Friday night. I wear what makes me feel good not what I think everyone else would like. I speak up in class when I do not agree with the discussion. I tell people when they upset me instead of keeping my feelings to myself. And now when I look at the person I have become and I can't say that the person I was would be happy about it, but the person I am couldn't be more proud.

I am happy, in fact, I am happier than I have ever been in my entire life. I have stopped trying to be the person everyone thinks I should be or could be. I want to be myself, even though I may not know who I am entirely. I am still learning, growing and evolving and I have learned that that isn't a such a bad thing. Going to college has opened my eyes to a million different points of views and allowed me to give myself the opportunity to grow.

I know that I will continue to make mistakes and that I have a lot of changes ahead of me still. I don't know the type of person that I’ll become in ten years or even a year but I am slowly finding out who I would like to be. I want to be a person that lives freely and fearlessly. I want to have a life that not only makes my family proud but that makes myself proud. I am not sure if I am there yet, but I will be soon.

The person I came to school as three years ago is long gone, and that isn't a bad thing to me anymore. The person you were does not have be the same person you will be, spread your wings and be open to change during college, you never know what incredible things you can experience when you withhold judgment and preconceived notions about yourself.