Long-distance relationships are constantly talked about. The summer after I graduated high school, all the couples around me grew frantic as the ones splitting up brooded about doing so and the ones staying together doubted themselves. However, that being said, not everyone has experienced a long-distance relationship which is why I want to talk about long-distance friendships. They are more commonplace, especially among college students.
Truthfully, friendships are harder to maintain, because there is no clear label of a “relationship” to keep two or more people together. Friendships can also be more important due to the fact that they are longer lasting and have a more stable foundational connection. Going off to college, my friends scattered: most stayed on the East Coast, a few traveled West, and my best friend went straight to Italy. I’m not going to sugarcoat it, this was tough – plain and simple. The summer before college, I admit I was being incredibly dramatic as I continued to replay bits of advice and warnings I’d heard from people over the years in my head – “let go of your old high school friends, you’ll lose contact with everyone anyway, it’s better to move on.” When I was saying my goodbyes that summer I kept thinking those would be my final goodbyes because honestly, I figured we’d all lose contact pretty quickly and that we’d only talk during breaks. I dreaded those future awkward visits back home when we’d all come back as strangers. Of course, that didn’t happen, I didn’t lose any friends that I didn’t want to lose because I made the effort and so did they. This allowed me to learn one of the most important lessons any college student can – that the people that matter will stay in your life if you let them, despite the distance.
One of my closest friends and I had the full expectation that the second I left for college, we would lose contact. I know this sounds bad, but it was realistic considering we had already struggled to see each other when we lived in the same city and it made sense that we wouldn’t be able to keep contact long distance. The first few weeks of college I was crushingly lost and lonely and she was going through similar issues so we reached out to each other and clung to the familiarity of our friendship. Somehow now, while apart, we’re closer than ever and I couldn’t be more grateful for that.
However, that being said, my close ties with my old friends could never diminish the friendships I’ve made in college. I have met some truly incredible people in college – these are people I care about and who make me happy to be here. We have shared experiences and they know who I am at this moment. They will be here day by day to watch the person I continue to become as I go through these next couple of years. We live together, and that bonds people together. That doesn’t mean your shared experiences with your older friends don’t count because no one can deny that high school friends know your history better than any newcomer could. Even if they aren’t close by that doesn’t mean that you aren’t forever tied together. Those friendships will never lessen the importance and impact of the relationships I’ve made here and this isn’t a surprise to anyone, but different people have different perspectives. My college friends, or what I would label as my local friends, can give me advice on things that my best friends a state away cannot. We have inside jokes that someone I only see through Facetime will never understand. Yet, people who have known me for longer can offer guidance with all our shared history and can help me find my place in this life with my new people.
Truthfully the most difficult part is being in different time zones. However, if you want to make it work and they want to make it work – you can. My best friend and I used to have a “nightly facetime” where we would debrief everything that happened in our lives be it together or apart, and annoy our friends with synchronized texts. With six hours between us now, I’ll admit that it becomes harder and harder to make time for our facetimes but again if you and your friends truly want to connect – you find a way to make it work. Maybe she can’t respond immediately to a text I send, but when she does, it’s with enthusiasm and it feels exactly the same as it did when we were sitting right next to each other which just goes to show that close proximity is not required to have emotional closeness. Sending a tweet to the group chat made up of my high school friend group can result in twenty hilarious texts from people in different states and countries, and it will feel exactly the same as it used to. Communicating through brief weekly updates on our lives or even through Instagram comments still keeps me close to the people I miss and I know that they will always be there when I come back home and leave my college friends for breaks.
Relationships don’t often thrive from distance, but friendships can with less pressure and labeling. Sometimes all you need when you’re having a tough day or a really good day is a good friend that you can either talk, rant or brag to, whether they are one mile away or thousands of miles away. Physical closeness is not necessary to keep people in your life, even though it will get tough without that to fall back on, yet it brings a different element to the friendship that only strengthens it. At the same time, meeting new people doesn’t mean you have to let go of others present in your life prior, it just means you are continuing to grow your support system all over and that’s one of the most crucial things you can and should do as a college student.
A short open letter to my best friend:
We have not known each other for our entire lives as we did not share a childhood and our formative years were mostly spent apart. Even the first year we knew each other, we were barely a blip on each other’s radar but it feels like I’ve known you forever and I hope our forever never ends. We’re so wildly different but somehow our interests always seem to line up which has allowed us to work so well together in ways I never expected, though for those looking at us – we might seem mismatched. You’re the only person I want to tell my secrets to and the only person who can make me smile no matter what. Even almost 4,000 miles away, you have my whole heart and I love you more and more every day. Love, Grace.