I won’t sit here and sugar coat anything, long distance relationships are hard. Really hard. You find yourself in a constant battle, where you try to find a piece of that person you long for in every person you’re around. It feels as if the one and only person you want a hug, touch, conversation with, is barely at reach. The communication feels slim, and the physicality is removed from the picture. You look at the time like a temporary pain, for eternal love and happiness. What’s a sacrifice of a long semester apart, for the possibility of a lifetime of love?
I get it, I’ve been there.
You start questioning everything. You question yourself, your feelings, them, and their feelings. You wonder who they’re meeting, mingling with, and hoping to God you can trust them.
I’m here to tell you, as someone who has been through the worst of a long distance relationship that ended in a breakup, and the best of a long distance relationship that’s still going strong: this is something that can work.
The key is, IF YOU BOTH WANT IT TO.
Here are some tips for a healthy, happy long distance relationship.
- Communication.
This is by far one of the hardest parts about a long distance relationship. Trying to find that balance between not talking at all and the excessive non-stop texting is hard. You don’t want to over-compensate through texting, just because you aren’t with each other. You’ll end up exhausting yourself and burning out. It’s also unrealistic while you both are busy with work, school, sports, etc. Setting goals, certain times to chat, and a basis of what you both want and need, will be necessary for success. I suggest talking about what you both expect from each other, and see what will be reasonable for you. Whether it’s video calling once every other day, at night before bed, or once a week, an outline will have something you both can count and rely on.
If you have any questions, concerns, or frustrations, talk about them. I mean really, just get it off your chest, and keep the air clear as much as possible.
- Stay positive…Get to know yourself!
Use this time to your advantage. Get to know who you are, what you like, and learn to enjoy being alone. Try something new, join a new club, reach out to new people, exercise, pick up a new hobby, etc. Take the time alone to do self care, and focus on how you can take care of yourself better. Start a journal, read a few books, or develop a skincare routine! Your relationship will benefit from your strong sense of self.
- Spend time together, well, however you can!
Plan dates together, virtually! Make dinner over FaceTime, and sit and eat with one another. Try something like Netflix Party (now known as Teleparty), and watch movies. You could start a new show together, or maybe even find two player games to play. The options, well, they’re slim. But the quality time is worth it.
- Plan visits.
If you have a free weekend coming up, book a flight, drive your car, or take a train! Go visit if you can. These little visits can make the big chunk of time far less daunting. Even if it’s only for a day or two, that small amount of connection can bring you two closer than you think. If money is a question, try and see if you guys can split the costs, since it’s benefitting you both. Go on a date, and absorb all the time you can with them.
- Stay positive.
Keep your head up. I know this seems obvious, but I think it’s important to remember the reasons why you were willing to try a long distance relationship in the first place. Remember the person you are with, why you love them, and why you choose to be with them everyday. As much as love is seemingly innate sometimes, we ultimately choose who we love. You guys did something a lot of people may not have the strength to do, which is love and choose each other despite the physical barriers. Grow in love, grow in the distance. Find gratitude in the little things.
Long distance is a lot. It’s emotional, and you will find yourself feeling lonely at times. Stay strong, communicate, and remember the reasons why you are doing it, and who you are doing it for. Love is strong, and so are you.