Winter… none of us really like it. But, somehow, it unites us college kids. It’s us against the negative windchills and blizzards, trudging through the snow together.
Having grown up in Iowa, I’m used to winter and all the horrors it entails: ice patches that don’t look like ice, below-zero temperatures, only stepping in footsteps to avoid soaking your shoes and pants in snow. But experiencing winter at college was a whole new ball game. Suddenly I only went outside when absolutely necessary, and when I did, I put on just about every article of clothing I owned. I had one pair of shoes that were my saving grace if I knew it would by icy, and they were all I wore for a solid week. I avoided the hills at all costs, and the cambus system became my best friend. Now, most days, I begrudgingly went to class and returned back home intact, with just a red face and frozen fingers, wondering why I still live in this godforsaken state, but I’ll admit there were a couple times when I slipped and almost fell in front of who knows how many people, and yeah I’ve definitely stepped in a huge pile of snow on the way to class and shivered obnoxiously through the entire lecture.
These are bad enough to me, but they don’t even compare to the horror (hilarious) stories that I’ve heard others tell. And every time I hear one of these stories, I get a little warmer in my sweater and boots knowing that hey, at least that didn’t happen to me. So, this article is for everyone that is feeling a little cold and distraught by Iowa winters: at least these aren’t you.
“Yesterday, I fell on the same patch of ice. Twice. Once on my back, once on my knees.”
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Does the same go for the patch of ice that lured you to your demise twice within mere minutes of each other? Sorry, but it looks like this ice really did get the best of you.
“I’m from Florida, so I’m not used to snow. So when it snows, it gets in my eyes, and I don’t know how to deal with it, and I walk around looking like I’m crying all the time.”
This one is particularly rough. I like to think that my body has developed several common superpowers, if you will, to combat the weather here, so my eyes are dry while I walk to class. Maybe by the time you graduate, your eyes will adapt, but until then, I think it’s time to self-gift a lot of Kleenex, or maybe even a handkerchief if you’re feeling fancy.
“I fell in front of the EPB once, like completely wiped out and had bruises for almost a week!”
This is not only sad, but apparently a common area so look out for EPB because..
“I was walking down the Old Capitol stairs, and I thought to myself, I should be careful it looks a little icy. But I guess my body didn’t listen because just as I’m thinking this, I took a dramatic fall in front of like one hundred people because it was right when everyone got out of EPB.”
Yikes.. looks like I’m not going anywhere near EPB. Seems like an unlucky place.
“I parked my car in the street once, and overnight we got a surprise snow storm. My car got towed, and I had to ask a friend to drive me to the lot to pick it up. I was in such a panic and probably made a total fool of myself.”
Iowa is famous for its unpredictable weather, so a surprise snow storm is really no surprise at all. But, this is a pretty cringe-worthy story… not exactly what I’d want to wake up to.
“Once in high school I got hypothermia after driving home after my first date with a guy. We had to pull over and call my dad… it was pretty bad.”
This might go down in history when it comes to unfortunate first dates. Hopefully he was understanding about the frigid midwestern temperatures, or else winter really did you a disservice this time.
“I was walking out my back door, which had one big step coming off of it, and the ground just looked like it was wet. I stepped off of the step and turned to take the next one and my feet turned out and started sliding to opposite sides. My legs split sideways at the knees, and I went down hard, hearing my left knee pop. There was a guy who had just started to put salt and sand on the driveway, and he just said, “Did ya slip?” I was so mad, and my friends had to carry me back inside.”
Did ya slip? Hmm, no, I just had to sit down for a second on this patch of ice, but thanks for asking.
In conclusion, the next time you’re freezing your butt off walking all the way across campus for that gen ed you really don’t even want to be taking, just remember, at least this isn’t you. Other than that, the only piece of advice I can give you is hibernating in your room all year. I mean, hey, they don’t have Netflix and OrderUp for nothing. See ya in May, everybody.