Thanksgiving is an exciting, comforting time during the fall semester for college students. They are able to return home, loads of laundry in tow, for a large meal and a few nights of sleep in their bed at home. It breaks up the stress of midterms and finals, offering students the chance to chill out and catch up with high school friends. In theory, Thanksgiving is almost like a vacation. Except when you and your extended family don’t quite see eye to eye on politics, relationships, education or the future.
This is a comprehensive guide to surviving awkward encounters with extended or even immediate family members who you don’t agree with. Follow these guidlines to avoid heated conversations and uncomfortable questions.
1. Leave the real pants at school
T-shirt dresses, leggings, long sweaters or jeggings are all preferred Thanksgiving attire. Jeans, chinos or slacks are restricting and usually uncomfortable. You will regret eating three pounds of turkey when your pants’ button is stabbing you. Look presentable but comfortable. If you choose the route of a dress, do not feel obligated to wear tights. Try riding boots and tall socks. Your bare legs might shock conservative Grandma, but who actually enjoys wearing tights? If you do, make sure there are no runs, holes or glitter hearts on them.
2. Do not apologize for your relationship or lack thereof
You might be the only one out of your cousins who didn’t bring a significant other to Thanksgiving dinner, and that’s okay. You’re too busy focusing on your career. To some families, that’s a negative. Remind them that you came home for Thanksgiving to spend it with them, not a boyfriend or girlfriend. If you did bring your boyfriend or girlfriend and are getting scolded for doing so, explain that your significant other has become family to you, too. You’re thankful for them, and you want them to love your extended family as much as you do.
3. Do not defend your major or future career
If you’ve chosen the exciting, yet financially uncertain path down a major like journalism, art, literature, gender studies, anthropology, political science or basically any non-STEM major like I have, you’re used to the scrutiny. Great Uncle Bob might laugh when you describe your dream job. Cousin Sally the chemical engineer might scoff at your salary projection. But who cares? You love your classes, internships and experiences. You wouldn’t trade your adventures for anything. You can try slipping in “I’ll never work a day in my life because I love my job,” but that rarely keeps the critics at bay. Ignore the negative comments. Your future is yours and only yours.
4. View Black Friday shopping as your light at the end of the tunnel
Reward yourself for successfully surviving event one of the holiday season by purchasing $5 dollar candles and a new Keurig. While your family is arguing over Brexit, silently nod in blind agreement while downloading coupons on your phone under the table.
5. Befriend the dog
Chances are there will be a dog present at Thanksgiving. Feed it food from the table and win its heart over. It will protect and comfort you when you have to convince your mother that you actually are passing your classes. If there is no dog at Thanksgiving, your family has failed you and its time to find a new Thanksgiving dinner to attend.
6. Go back for seconds at least twice
Your diet of Pop-Tarts, vodka lemonades and stale goldfish crackers needs a little balance. Eat a vegetable. Or all of them. Bring leftovers back to school in a small cooler, but do not worry about counting calories today (or ever honestly). Thanksgiving is meant for packing on the carbs in preparation for winter anyway, right? Also, if you continue to stuff your mouth full of food, you’ll have a great excuse not to answer anyone’s questions. It’s rude to talk with food in your mouth, afterall.
7. Do not fight with your family about politics at the dinner table
With the election so close to the holidays, it seems almost inevitable that politics will creep its way into conversation during Thanksgiving dinner. It’s hard to ignore a subject that so many of us are so passionate about. You might be horribly disapointed in the election results, but your family might not share that feeling. My advice is to not back down on your beliefs, just recognize that you cannot change other people’s views. Especially when it comes to conservative relatives. Chances are they are definite on their convictions and persuading them of anything to the contrary would be more difficult than moving mountains. Keep conversation civil. It might be extremely painful to endure your old, uber Republican second cousin challenging everything you believe in but try not to attack. You can’t fight fire with fire.
8. Your faith is no one’s business
If you come from a religious family, answering the question “How often are you going to church at school?” is difficult. Even if you grew up religious and regularly attended services or even went through religious K-12 education, it might be hard to find the time in college to keep up the perfect mass attendance. You’re an adult now. You decide how active in your religion you remain. It might disappoint your grandparents or parents, but do not feel guilty for worshipping less or in different ways than they do.
9. When in doubt, sit at the kids table
Make pipe cleaner turkeys with the little kids, and sit in a chair you can only fit half of your left butt cheek on. They won’t ask for your opinion on the conflict in the Middle East. They might however ask if you’ll watch Charlie Brown and sneak some extra slices of pumpkin pie. It’s much safer here.
10. Never turn down a glass of wine
The beautiful part of Thanksgiving is enjoying your turkey and stuffing with a glass of wine or four. It’ll take the edge off of trying to explain why you have not found a post-graduation job yet. And if the effects of a nice Moscato still don’t help, switch to red wine and conveniently spill some on your comfy cream colored sweater and excuse yourself to remove the stain. Proceed to hide upstairs in your cousin’s room and eat their leftover Halloween candy. Crisis averted.