Top 10 Spookiest Things for Hawkeyes

Hawkeyes are naturally tough, and there are many who are intimidated by, maybe even scared of, our determination and pride. But these 10 phenomena can rustle even Hawkeye feathers. This Halloween season is spooky enough without these events making us quake in our black and gold.

1. Flyers on the T. Anne Cleary Walkway

The T. Anne Cleary Walkway during most passing periods resembles the scene in Finding Nemo where the giant school of fish frantically swim in one direction, which makes the lone, stationary flyer-giver stand out like a terrifying Great White shark. If they catch you, they’ll force you to sign up for their student org or plaster you with colorful flyers that you’ll have to carry around awkwardly until you find a garbage can out of sight.

2. A Cambus driving away from your stop

This sight makes calves tingle with the fear of hiking up the hill to class. When the fight or flight reaction kicks in, fighting the poor Cambus driver may seem way more appealing than any flight up one of those inclines.

3. A freshman with a bar wristband on Nite Ride

The over-21 wristband is as much of an indicator of something scary about to go down as a skull and crossbones on the outside of a building. The wristband screams, "This a clearly underage partier." The neon paper attached to their wrist is a sign warning, “Danger, this chick can’t handle her alcohol.” The poisonous potion of the night? Vomit, the sign of a night too long.

4. Iowa State colors

A wise Hawkeye once said, “I ain’t afraid of no Cyclones.” Yet, the red and gold of our mortal enemies still strikes some trepidation into Hawkeye hearts, if only because it’s scary that some people think it’s okay to wear those colors on our campus. Don’t run the other way at this sign of trouble; gather up your angry mob with its torches and pitchforks.

5. The line at Burge

Long and serpentine, the line snakes around pillars and through doorways. Your desire for all-you-can-eat, greasy deliciousness will have to wait through this line studded with the boy you wished you’d never see again, the girls talking way too loudly about feminine hygiene and the weird group of friends you left after the first week of freshman year. Try to be brave and block out the spooky sounds of the boy’s whispers and the girls’ cackles: chicken fingers wait on the other side.

6. Cops at 10 p.m.

Even if you’re not in the bars, seeing police officers when the clock strikes 10 makes you fear some phantom drink will earn you a ticket. Seeing the officers’ dark forms silhouetted by the eerie green neon of the Ped Mall could send any Hawkeye running for Nite Ride.

7. Seeing your professor downtown

The University of Iowa is lucky enough to have downtown Iowa City right next to campus, but it also means students can spot professors at downtown hotspots and TAs at parties. Unlike Dracula, these spooks don’t have to be invited in and can show up behind you with no warning while you’re attempting to twerk.

8. Friday classes

Whatever you do, don’t close your eyes… That’s right, we see you falling asleep in that Friday class. Thursday nights can be rough as a Hawkeye, so subjecting yourself to the horror of Friday classes is akin to torture. Plus, Friday classes are a two-headed monster with weekend homework. 

9. The prices at Iowa Book

Your debit card screeches at the pure thought of the pain that awaits your bank accounts upon walking into Iowa Book. The necessary evil of textbooks hurts enough, not even taking into account all of the seductiveness of the Hawkeye apparel.

10. Being at the field house/rec and realizing you forgot your ID

As if working out wasn’t scary enough, walking all the way to the gym and finding out you don’t have your student ID is terrifying. You can only help but think your lack of preparation convinced the student worker there that you really haven’t left the couch in three years.  

Stay safe out there, Hawkeyes. Wrap up in the security blanket that is your black and gold, and don't let any of these spooky things make you hide your Hawkeye pride.